white bread, bacon & ru-paul

i apologize for choosing to discuss food news in today's entry, but for some of you, this may be a pleasant break from my incessant daily blahblahblahings. sometimes i read the news and stuff. here's proof:
**** (it's the next day and i tried to fix my post and ended up permanently changing it. some of you saw yesterday's entry-- the rest of you, 1) is a reasonable facsimile)

1) interstate bakeries has filed for bankruptcy! this is the company who brought america twinkies and wonderbread. i mean, this sucks for the workers and all, in a really big way, but what a hooray for human nutrition! it's obsurd what companies get away with labelling as edible. ne pas food-- just enriched white flour and chemicals and fluff and a whole lotta nuthin'. the company reportedly went tits up because of the consumer's increasing desire for healthier food, and also because of the conpany's tardiness on jumping on the (slowly dying) low-carb craze. first mcdonald's suffers their first quarterly loss, and now this. mama says keep it comin'.

2) health canada http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2004/09/22/639505-cp.html has decided to disallow companies to make "low carb" health claims on food labels. of course, the atkins degenerates are calling for our "support" to stop health canada's ludicris ban on telling the truth, which is, needless to say, to paraphrase, that low-carb diets, altho effective in allowing one to lose weight by essentially shocking your body allthewhile fucking up some of your organ systems, is crap and altho yes us lazy assholes should be eating fewer carbs, we should pretty much be choosing better kinds of carbs like brown rice or whole grain bread, but wonderbread and twinkies. some have been saying that health canada is in the dark ages, but dude, they've been pretty spot on lately (altho not so spot on with say, gmo labelling and shit, because they wouldnt want one of our major exports to be fucked over. canadian wheat, hoorah!) by allowing us to put our beloved melatonin on the shelves, and not putting us in jail for selling kava (for external use only).
3) geezis. nine pound hamburgers. it intrigues me and inspires me to vomit simeltaneously. check it out. fuck. those fellas will be puking for days, and getting mad cow and salmonella and everyother disease all over the place. i mean come on-- how can you cook a nine pound hamburger and get it cooked thoroughly inside. but hell, why would you even consider making a nine-pound hamburger? maybe if you were having a t-rex for dinner or something. eff! here's what the email said:
A 6 lb. Burger. Where's the beef? It's at a Pennsylvania pub that>serves the world's biggest burger - weighing in at NINE lip-smacking>pounds!>>That's no whopper - you can actually get this meat monster for>$23.95, load with all the fixins" : Two whole tomatoes, a half-head>of lettuce, 12 slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers,>two entire onions, plus, a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and>mustard.
4) so i was told the other day that john kerry's wife teresa owned the keinz ketchup factory, and my bro was saying how it would be so rad for them to just insert this mind-altering chemical into the ketchup which made people want to think left and vote for kerry which i just thought was a brilliant idea in theory, ethics and logic aside, because like, every american eats ketchup every day. regan wanted ketchup to be offiicially named a vegetable, to give the kids a better chance at their 5-10 a day quota. BUT, i found out today, while screwing around, that kerry's wife only actually owns 4% of the company, which is still a fuckload of money, but she probably doesn't have enough pull to do the victory chemical thing. damn. another strategy, please.
say-- ever try to search for anything on a goverment site and never come up with anything close to what you were looking for, even tho you know it's on there somewhere, like, for a fact? what, do they have goldfish designing the search engines or something? argh.
sterling told us a good story today about one time when he was working at a dishwasher at satisfaction feast (yes, the whole vitamins dept used to work there), he worked with a fellow who knew ru-paul pre-sex change, and ru-paul asked this guy if he wanted to have sex with him to try out his (her) new equipment, and dude turned him down, probably weirded out and such. and now, i mean-- what a story! three degrees of separation between sarita and ru-paul.
ps. i ate a lot of (operative word) of choice nosh today.
for breakfast: a soymilk smoothie with banana, 6-berry mix, acai (praise tool), flaxmeal, hemp protein, cinnamon, arrowroot powder, coconut and a piece of kamut bread avec soybutter and banana-grapefruit preserves
lunch: sprouted grain wrap with avocado, olives, pinto beans, pesto, red pepper (yes, similar to yesterday's pasta) and kale with bragg's and garlic kelp flakes
for no reason but that we wanted it: a date square split with emily
supper: a raw soydog with ketchup and soymayo, kamut bread with garlic powder, a couple chocolate pastilles
then it went downhill after we smoked: a piece of inari from sobey's when i went with chris and emily, veggie bacon straight out of the package that i ripped into with my teeth in the sobey's foyer on the way out the door, some chai with soymilk, a couple waffles with real cumberland county maple syrup and organic buttery spread.
pps. i had pictures for like EVERY paragraph, and my hello program won't work tonite, so i can't post them, and for that i am truly sorry, and also embarrassed. blah!