quote of the day

"i think your handjob sobered me up."

happy something

I had to give you something new to look at.

the ghost of christmas past

i used to like christmas. i liked it when i lived in a nice house in the country, lit with a wood stove with my mom, my dad, my brother and a puppy. we endured church on christmas eve, hung out with nana and grampie a bit, then wrote a survey for santa to find out if he was real, by comparing the answers with that of the ones left for santa by our friends. we each opened a present on christmas eve. we believed in christ and santa enough to get by. anxiously, we went to bed and rose early to peek at our bounty much before the folks lifted their heads from their pillows. they acted surprised. with the smell of the wood furnace in our snouts, we began with our stockings. our gifts were opened one by one, going around in a circle-- to add to the suspense, appreciate what each other received and prolong that special christmas feeling. after the hugs and thanks, and an hour or so of trying out our few gifts, our slippered feet took us to the kitchen where dad prepared the christmas breakfast--often back bacon, scrambled eggs and toast.later in the day, we'd visit aunts, uncles and grandparents and they'd show us what santa brought them, and they'd feed us pot of gold or quality street chocolates. later, mom cooked a bird and all the obvious fixins. we'd cheerfully chow down on our noel feast, with lemon cheesecake for dessert. people would call and we'd answer the phone with a jolly "merry christmas!" my grampie and dad would sit in the livingroom and flip thru their new books. mom and nana would scramble and ramble in the kitchen the whole day thru. my brother and i would go our separate ways to mingle with our new whatevers. this, in essense, was my christmas past.

the spirits of crassmas (n)ow

i used to like christmas, but now not so much. i like hallowe'en better, and thanksgiving. these are holidays where most sane people don't buy gifts and cards and go insane. they don't involve jesus, they are more inclusive. christmas makes me edgy and poor and stressed and annoyed and sometimes a little hateful and resentful. i realize this isn't inherently christmas's fault, but our collective fault for allowing the season to grow into the cold commercial tumour that it has. who do you give gifts to? what the fuck do they like? will they even appreciate a gift i laboured to make? eventually, i mostly just capitulated, saying fuck it. i have a list, i'll check it as many times as i need to, some people will get shit, some people won't. some of it will stay in cupboards, closets, drawers and fridges, while some will be held close to hearts. this is the mysterious gamble whose oucome i'll never truly know, because everyone will play the famous, tried and true game of pretending to be happy that us 20-30 somethings are so g-d accomplished. some of us will spend christmas with our families-- and i stress the plural, as many of them are now split up. we'll be picking around carcasses that we don't eat, grains that make us puffy, food that we liked as a kid, but have since grown weary of and our parents don't pay enough attention to notice. some of us will have to work. some of us will spend christmas alone. some of us will be drunk and high. some of us will likely see the image of mary, jesus, or to shake it up just a little--joseph-- on the side of a tim hortons in sydney mines. for some of us, it will just be another day-- because we're not christian, or we don't give six, or even one shit. this christmas, i'll spend alone in my ripped-up apartment like i did last year. i'll be organizing and purging my shit, because it's a good time for it. perhaps i'll smoke or drink or make and eat enough cookies and soynog to make me vomit. i'll listen to norwegian black metal. i'll make tea and read. this is my christmas. it should be chill.

the possibility of christmas-not-so-awful

someone who helped me see the vestiges of what i can still muster up to emjoy about christmas, is a man named Carson Williams. He's the dude who rigged up $10 000US worth of christmas lights and synched it perfectly with a couple of christmas tunes, including one by my new pals, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. it's easily the coolest display of christmas lights i've ever seen (sorry, dad good try). it makes me giddy and hopeful. it helped that the TSO are metlin' and stuff, but seriously, Carson Williams is the shit. we've watched this 20 or so times at the house. i get just as excited every time. later, i found that Williams had to dismantle his whole amazing project because the traffic near his house was so thick, that when a car accident occurred, the police couldn't get to the scene. as cool his popularity sounds, Williams vowed to his neighbours that if anything fishy went down, he'd stop immediately-- which he totally did. He and his family make me happy just to look at them. what an agreeable fellow. what an ambitious fellow. this is what the christmas spirit is about-- making peopel forget about the pile of shit we've created that is christmas, and recall the days of christmas past when it wasn't half fucking bad-- even endurable. perhaps christmas was never endurable-- it's just that i was younger, more naive. regardless, Carson Williams inspired me take a step back and have a little toke before i got all up in arms about all the shit i needed to do. if you haven't seen his marvelous, spectacular, phenomental work, please, please check it out here and here. before (or after-- whatev) you get all hatey about christmas, look at the pic of Williams and his family, check out his mad, mad skills and realize that christmas can be something other than nauseating commercial-driven sluttery, that it can even be funny.

worst. dessert. ever.

dear the westin,

worst. dessert. ever.
nobody ate it.
here's two facts about banana brulée:
1) it's spelled brulée, not brule.
2) it doesn't consist of three slices of banana, three blueberries and a fuckload of melon in some shitty sugar juice soup. burnt pieces of sugar are only okay in small amounts, and best when caramelized, not actually burnt.
also, the tofu tasted like fish. edamame are not seedlings. don't offer a dish with cheese and cream and say it can be vegan and then not be able to deliver. fuck you. the service was decent-- thanks for hooking the team up with shooters even tho we were supposed to only have two drinks apiece.

love,
beany

mother fucker

i can't digest anything.

smoke someone with a snowball because it's funny

my mind this morning was burgeoning with hate and resentment and self-depricating thoughts-- but my brother's done his exams for a few days so we went to rassy's to get treats and he got blitzed and i tried only to get into 'er a little and basically i got myself incapacitated and unable to do the work i needed to do but somehow managed to make this wrap (this is it before i wrapped it up)-- it's a kamut wrap with veganaise and pesto and garlic shitake tofu and kalamata olives and sunflower sprouts with pickled ginger on the side this was so ridiculously perfect and now i've done my work and bought some pretty paper and walked in the snow aflufffluff and am home and have just enjoyed a glass o' whisky and am ready to be toasty and bundled as i fuck around on this fine december eve.

gum and nuts: together at last

if you've never eaten gum and nuts together, here's an idea of what it looks like. the question is, is gum compostable? thanks to sweetness for volunteering for this highly important experiment. thanks also to the now sadly defunct persian bazaar for creating (or supplying) sweet mix, the biggest gem in the world of mixed fruit and nuts. my period will miss you desperately.

...and on the night the snow first fell, the bough broke-- for the last time

... but overall it was an amazing effin' time. thanks to the legacy of che guevera for starting it all, and to johnny and june for helping us realize the proper end.

...and the third day of the month was mostly this

i got up at 8:20 and CRM and i bought crüe tickets online which was cooler and more efficient than standing out for them or going to superstore and then we went to the market and to a few shops and ran into em and caught up with professor and i came home and relaxed with scents and books and tea and warmth and i made bars and we made sushi at 11:30 and ate it now i'm off to bed (soon).

i have no erection for this election

i've thus far kept my opinions to myself about the upcoming federal election. someday i'll give it to you. in the meantime, check out fellow pal bloggers and their campaign coverage: here, here and here. oh, and by the way, it's a big waste of fucking money-- that's all i'll say for now. later, i'll back up that bold statement.

fun to read but not to do

one thing that it's funny that i do is read about doing things instead of just doing them. i read about starting a business, meditating, doing yoga, practising witchcraft, cleaning my house, and even about getting things done-- but i pretty much never do these things: it's easier read than done.

happy new month!

holy shit-- it's decembrrrrr.

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