thank industry

i yelled out "yeah, well if it gets you off.. but not me," as a customer walked into plain view/earshot tgwo feet in front of me. i managed to only notice a quizzical look before i turned and ran away, leaving emily to laugh for a reported eight minutes.

perhaps something to cheer her, hopefully.

something is rotting inside me, and i feel it.

ow. fuck. thank industry for the mighty heating pad, and the big bang for the comfort and concern of some of you.

to bed, before i expire.

and, the best thing i heard today:

love the virtue, hate the virtuous (fran lebowitz on hating the sin, loving the sinner).

award for most frustratingly entertaining blog goes to: http://gaypatriot.blogspot.com

lose, damn you. lose!
btw, george is saying, "dear dalai lama." what a doughhole.

with the imminent debate, i had to again feature our un-pal, george.

pair and pear alike

a selection of eleven of the things i did today:

1) begrudgingly got out of bed at 12pm, made a smoothie.

2) finished how soon is never, read a bit of farley mowatt's never cry wolf.

3) a)sorted out the pile of ideas and to-dos from my dressertop, copied them into my werkbook.

b) realized i didn't do anything that could be classed as productive this summer. emily reassured me that i worked on myself, and that is productive. ok.

4) ate two scottish oatcakes with almond butter.

5) did a lot of research errands, dredged up some good stuff.

6) drank enough tea (from my new tall sally mug) to suffice as ballast for a large ship.

7) got my vag in order and scheduled my annual. it's been more than an annum at this point-- it'll be interesting to see she finds while poking around my vaginal canal. so i opted for the package deal: a pap smear, breast fondling disguised as disease detection, and STI screening (STIs are apparently the new STDs. an image overhaul i guess. who knew?).

8) had a sweet time on the floor of the kitchen in the dark listening to tool (with a candlestick).

9) for supper: an enormous bowl of steamed broccoli with garlic tofu and some kamut bread with avocado and more garlic.

10) went to the north street sobey's for tonight's edition of my walk. actually i went a bit past the forum, but went to sobey's on my way back. i bought: pumpernickel bread, oregon chai tea, bengal spice tea, two bottles of san pellegrino for $3!, a buttercup squash, blackstrap molasses, a package of veggie bacon (which i didn't eat in the foyer), and two kinds of pears that i hadn't tried-- seckel and comice. when i got home, the comice pear was, despite my best efforts, smashed and jizzing pear flesh all over everything in my bag, forcing me to a) eat the battered pear corpse or b) compost the pear. i chose a) even tho i wasn't particularly hungry. comice pears, altho in this instance behave badly, are sweet and delicious.

11) and today, because i was so prompted, threw open my doors and let the foul, angry air out. it feels much better in here now, except for the occasional sickly breeze. it's funny how the returning summer breeze is so stifling (but so freeing at the time) and how the autumn breeze shows little addtional promise.

**thanks to those of you who post comments. je t'aime. blogs should be interactive.

it's been--one week since you've been tracked my stats

it's been a week since i've been using statcounter.com, and i have some interesting (to me) deets to report. i just realized that the counter only saves your 100 most recent hits, which is why half the shit i remember seeing is no longer there. i will just have to give you a taste of the most recent half of my hits. damn!
a) i've gotten (as of 12:24 am) 202 hits
b) have had 115 unique visitors
c) i've been visited by users from eight countries (that i remember-- everything before the 25th is erased). the countries are:
canada
us
japan
india

russia
malaysia

singapore
brazil
d) readers from the following cities have checked out my blog (and more, but i can't show them to you unless i pay money!!) since sept 25:
moncon, new brunswick
dallax, texas
essex junction, vermont
waterloo, ontario
calgary, alberta
ottawa, ontario
rindge, new hampshire
burbank, california
halifax, nova scotia
utican, michigan
woodbridge, virginia
los angeles, california
mesa, arizona
san francisco, california
des plaines, illinois
modesta, california
sau paulo, brazil
austin, texas
gilbert, arizona
montreal, quebec
edmonton, alberta
burlington, ontario

e) readers have come upon my blog by googling/yahooing the following search strings:

lemon yellow crayon

cake mrs. robinson

mbt shoes

cky4 skeletor beastman sound sample

butthole bashers.com (i don't know how the hell this one got them there!)

f) people come from many places on the net to my site. they come randomly thru the "next blog" feature on blogspot, but after that, the next most popular site they come from is crystal's blog, because she has a link to it, and besides blake's blog (which has only been up for two days), is the only site that links mine. they also come from the "most recently updated blogs" list.

so this has been fascinating me for a week straight, and will continue to.

i went to dartmouth today to continue my spending spree. i got the charcoal bag i've been eyeing for a long time now. i had to go all the way to dartmouth to get it-- but i enjoy taking the trek to dartmouth. i also, while booting around the mall, found an inexpensive pair of black dickie's cargo capris (perfect length for me. i love shortpants), two cds for $25: deftones--around the fur and him-- love metal. oh, and i also got a nightmare before christmas mug featuring sally and a start on my brother's birthday gift. very productive for me shopping. i generally hate it. i need to be in mode, and in mode today i was. a story about my time in west 49 today: so the girl who took my call about holding my bag for me comes back with the bag and says in normal tone and volume to the girl who was waiting on me, "i feel like i have a booger in my nose. do i? oh, i won't make you look." and then walks away. the girl at the cash obviously needed to remedy the situation, so she said, "she's weird." and then i said, "ah, she keeps things interesting." and she was like, "i guess." she felt pretty awkward. i tried not to let her. i usually have an awesome time at west 49 in the halifax shopping centre because i have crushes on the guys who work there because they have crushes on me because i am a girl and have a jack skellington toque and like slayer. but they didn't have the bag i was looking for yesterday, so i didn't even stay around to flirt, i mean chat with them.

for supper, made myself some pasta and kale, then some soymilk.

wrote a bit. listened to finnish love metal by candlelight.

at say walked to the south end. found a few more obscure streets and where the sidewalks end on the west end of south street. you know you're not really wanted when a street has sidewalks only on one side, but when there's not any sidewalks, you know you're pretty much intruding.

comments?

oh, horse. you should get some boxing boots.  

boxin' in my big black boots

ear-ly in the mor-nin'. begrudgingly went to work to do some shit that i was too busy to accomplish on the weekend. it wouldn't've been so bad had i not been distracted by several doughhole monday customers. i was edgy and consequently shot some rescue remedy. this necessity continued throughout my sudden visit from my parents and aunt and uncle. i found it excrutiatingly difficult to deal with them today. wished i'd had some stronger medicine.
before i left work, mat gave me a huge hunk of date square. they were fabulous-- and me being the semi-generous person that i sometimes am, offered some to my family, even tho i really wanted to eat them all. but it was nice to share-- and it's certain that i didn't need them all.
lots of meat jokes from my uncle (especially tasteful at the vegetarian restaurant). he was doing so well at being civil and openminded. he was to the point of heavy regretting for being stupid enough (his words, not mine) to eat so much meat for so many years. this was after his stroke. yeah, well, it won't be so funny when your gout flares up again in a month-- will it? and when your cholesterol and blood pressure skyrocket again after you being so lax. i don't wish for this at all, but neither will i be surprised-- or so willing to help you again.
after the meal dowtown, for which blake and i picked up the tab, we asked if they could take us to the mall. my aunt wanted especially to go to the sears bargain center-- which inspired smirks from blake and i, as we were there last week and vowed never to go back, as we were frightened of the fashion (if it can even be so categorized) and the folks who thought the cheappleatedawfullyhuedjunkclothshit was so fabulous. for fun, we thought we'd give ourselves fifteen minutes. nothingnothingnoth.... oh what's this?
these boots are amazing.
what the hell are they?
why do they only have one size in each kind of shoe?
what the...
boxing boots?
fabulous.
these boots are amazing (or more) and i bought them.
"those are, different," tried the pleasant cashier who' d seeminly deserved the customer service award she's won.
"yeah, i've got to take up boxing," said i.
"oh, no-- just wear them as sneakers," she dared/suggested.
then to the mallmall. i got (deservingly) fucked out the bag i wanted. but i found some fairly stylish winter boots by airwalk. i was pleased. got a good deal. what a notion-- purchasing winter boots before winter stats. i ruined my last ones (science boots) while releasing a lobster into st. margaret's bay.
back at the house, we sighed and remedied our heads and sighed harder.
then we had a fat-off-- using the tape measure to measure around various areas of our trunks.
verdict: blake has a near-perfect hour-glass figure. he has bigger tits than me. his ass is neither half my size, nor one-third larger. measuring should only be handled by trained professionals. there should be a le chateau plus.
we made pita pizzas avec soyhotdogs and oregano, yet sans fromage. a progressive throwback to the kraft pizza mixes of our youth. we had to use the toaster oven because the big oven caught on fire last night. really-fire. then we planned some more for our coven, and tomorrow's full moon activities, and waited for joey to come. we boiled soup. then joey and fluffy jet (puppy) came (so mini!!) and joey coincidentally just won an ebay auction for boxing boots! wow! i may actually be in style or on the fringe or something. emily: did boxing boots show up on any of the 800 pages of the sept vogue ish?
went for another random walk tonight. i let my intuition guide me. glided thru some memorable spots. headed in the windsor street direction. took a lot of side streets. tried to get myself lost. i did manage again to find a couple of streets i'd never heard of, but i didn't get myself lost-- even tho i wandered out of district 14 and into district 11. saw a few election signs up. only ones for bedford's blah kelly and lots of councillor signs. did see some vote for victor signs in some business windows today. he wants to bring back marti gras-- i mean, come on! i dressed in my new duds for my walk-- the greens+ yoga top that the wizard brought me back from the conference in TO, and my boxing boots. i looked pretty kewl. the boots a) made me want to box b) made me want to run (i managed a couple sprints) c) felt like walking in my moccasins. luv. what a purhchase. i wore them inside the house all evening, even during my nap. i walked all around hell's creation. i booted it. i was gone 57 minutes.
then i drank a few glasses of iced mineral water and now i'm just listening to the tea party's triptych.
comments?
tomorrow: the week-one update of my stats counter. stay tuned.

blah indeed. 

as the old adage goes....

if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

what the frig are these foxes doing? 

if i were gay i could be married right now

ok, so this is the only image i can manage to get on my site, which makes no sense, but as i learn, you might find something relevant woven into the text. but in the meantime, i am almost outta blogbreath. tonight i cleaned up a lot while listening to the new (wicked) burdocks album (three consequitive spins), hucked some old hair products and shit, picked away at "mount clothing" in my room, had a bit of a breakdown while writing, ate some frozen waffles (while still frozen), a soydog and some chocolate chips, bought the ingredients for a batch of granola bars (as well as some kale), picked up my photos from the wedding (which were less than amazing, except for the doin'-it rock shots), emailed meaghan and brian each mgs to their japanese cellphones, sat around and felt my joints ache, threw out some ratty panties, looked at some blog templates, muttered, chilled with blake for sec between him hacking up mucous and cabbing to work. at work i traded indie record label pins (endearing for just friends) with mat, trained a new girl, tried a new cracker and had lunch (grilled tofu, capers and sundried tomatoes and also creamy rice pudding featuring soymilk) with jennifer who came into the store. because another girl i used to do AR with came around, we ended up talking about group politics (to my distaste), which reminded me to relieved to not be involved in any group except.. oopps! i was also informed that i missed a meeting that was scheduled for last monday on my account, for the group i am (hardly now) involved with. i also forgot about a doctor's appoinment recently. i am amazing. and drained. and drifting off and not as chatty as usual, altho i've still managed to say a lot about n o t h i n g.

whore-ah.

dance for my brother, yo. 

pick me a tart or pick me apart

jay-sue-chris, having a blog is a lot of work-- like a piddling puppy or a bonsai tree. sure, i asked for it, and i won't return it to blogspot.com's doorstep with an "i don't want him anymore" note, or leave it on the windowsill to fester like i do most of the plants in my care. i asked for this blog, and i have to be prepared to be scrutinized at any moment. i won't try to apologize for the inaccuracies, but i will explain why some of them occur.
first, if you notice the time each blog is posted (i change it manually every day to ensure its accuracy), it's the middle of the night. no excuse, but an explanation. next, my posts are destructively lengthy (see: later in blog). and, i am lazy and am not used to editting my paper journals (i don't even use paragraphs or cross out mistakes, to give you an idea), so kind of translate the feel to my blog. bad idea? sure. true? yes. sentence structure is absolutely not a concern of mine here-- i aim to be more playful and loose with my words and their relation to each other. but spelling mistakes are pretty much inexcusable and embarassing. i see them in other blogs.
i almost vomit.
there are some words that perhaps i simply don't know how to spell, and i wish some spell-alarm would ring off at an inignorable (huh?) blood-fucking screech, bringing my attention the pathetic error. someone invent that, yo, and stick it in me.
i have received a few corrections, both in detail and in grammar/syntax (thanks, few faithful readers). some i corrected quickly hoping nobody would notice, the others i point out and hang my little flushed face.
i'm not perfect in action, or even on paper. not even given an opportunity to lie and edit myself. see it. read it. it's me.
sure, there are some of you with near-pristine quality blogs-- but they're not as long as mine, and hey-- you don't write in them as often --probably because a) it's hard work or b) you, unlike me, realize there's only so much worth saying, or c) you have, like me, other shit to do-- so, uh, BLAH! or maybe you just have less to do, so you sit around an edit your pretty little blog all day. so, well-- edit your blog 'til your nose falls off!
oh, and don't mind my colloquialisms, ruralisms, regionalisms, shortforms, pretend or questionable words, or slang. why? because i said so.
and finally, there are some typos i notice after publishing that i leave in because, well, i feel like it. sure it's careless, but i have a lot to do and another journal (arguably more important) to write in tonight. and it's three am. blah!
i should attempt to improve my blog and therefore myself-- another fucking project. step 1: self-editting. i know my blogs are too long. this leads me to another self-improvement project that i can apply to reality-- oh, self-editting-- here we are again.
my tangents go off on tangents.
i'm fucking yappy, i know.
this isn't news to me, really. greg's been calling me yappy for years (and rightfully so), but it's been brought to my attention again recently, "whoa, dude-- your mind goes too quickly" and then i realized i am difficult to follow-- not because i'm deep or cryptic, but because i get too excited and blab on incessantly (do i? really? am i?.. oh, yeah.) i have to address this, or at least do a survey. so i did. got a couple yesses and an "uh, i don't even think i noticed it (spoken kind of tentatively), but if so, it's endearing." yay!
and on the note that inspired this blog, i'm pretty sure that rupaul (sans hypen-- another fucking mistake, asshole) is a drag queen sans sex change. funny that my instincts told me that sterling's story was flawed, but it was so fucked that i retold it--without checking my facts (and i was bragging about doing my fucking kerry ketchup research yesterday before spreading the myth). so, i checked out
rupaul's site -which by the way, is fantastic, and has a blog on it, and has a great year-by-year run-thru of his facsinating life, which can also be read about in his book letting it all hang out.
and get this: (and this is true, i heard it first hand from my brother, who is very trustworthy [altho wanted me to be clear about him not ever mentioning the kerry-ketchup-chemical idea. truthfully, i'm pretty sure it was him. he's given me 48 hours to decide if it really was him. anybody? was this anyone else? did i dream this? was one of us too high? both of us? help!] rupaul stayed at my brother's hotel last night. blake was all like, hey-- i wish i could've gone, but you know, i'm here and all and couldn't go. so rupaul was all like, hey, i'll give you your own private little dance, and did just that in the front lobby just for him. it lasted a couple seconds, but he did it. and now i'm just a degree of separation from rupaul. wow.
lesson(s) learned today: (or at least that i've been achingly aware of lately) 1) it's good to calm down. also, 2) self-edit (this has been one i've been learning bit by bit, the rat-in-an-electric-maze kinda way for a while now. i will start tomorrow. geezis gemini!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks, mom, for being a slut the august you were 14.
oh, and look at me: i can make links work now (see above).

white bread, bacon & ru-paul

i apologize for choosing to discuss food news in today's entry, but for some of you, this may be a pleasant break from my incessant daily blahblahblahings. sometimes i read the news and stuff. here's proof:
**** (it's the next day and i tried to fix my post and ended up permanently changing it. some of you saw yesterday's entry-- the rest of you, 1) is a reasonable facsimile)

1) interstate bakeries has filed for bankruptcy! this is the company who brought america twinkies and wonderbread. i mean, this sucks for the workers and all, in a really big way, but what a hooray for human nutrition! it's obsurd what companies get away with labelling as edible. ne pas food-- just enriched white flour and chemicals and fluff and a whole lotta nuthin'. the company reportedly went tits up because of the consumer's increasing desire for healthier food, and also because of the conpany's tardiness on jumping on the (slowly dying) low-carb craze. first mcdonald's suffers their first quarterly loss, and now this. mama says keep it comin'.

2) health canada http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2004/09/22/639505-cp.html has decided to disallow companies to make "low carb" health claims on food labels. of course, the atkins degenerates are calling for our "support" to stop health canada's ludicris ban on telling the truth, which is, needless to say, to paraphrase, that low-carb diets, altho effective in allowing one to lose weight by essentially shocking your body allthewhile fucking up some of your organ systems, is crap and altho yes us lazy assholes should be eating fewer carbs, we should pretty much be choosing better kinds of carbs like brown rice or whole grain bread, but wonderbread and twinkies. some have been saying that health canada is in the dark ages, but dude, they've been pretty spot on lately (altho not so spot on with say, gmo labelling and shit, because they wouldnt want one of our major exports to be fucked over. canadian wheat, hoorah!) by allowing us to put our beloved melatonin on the shelves, and not putting us in jail for selling kava (for external use only).
3) geezis. nine pound hamburgers. it intrigues me and inspires me to vomit simeltaneously. check it out. fuck. those fellas will be puking for days, and getting mad cow and salmonella and everyother disease all over the place. i mean come on-- how can you cook a nine pound hamburger and get it cooked thoroughly inside. but hell, why would you even consider making a nine-pound hamburger? maybe if you were having a t-rex for dinner or something. eff! here's what the email said:
A 6 lb. Burger. Where's the beef? It's at a Pennsylvania pub that>serves the world's biggest burger - weighing in at NINE lip-smacking>pounds!>>That's no whopper - you can actually get this meat monster for>$23.95, load with all the fixins" : Two whole tomatoes, a half-head>of lettuce, 12 slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers,>two entire onions, plus, a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and>mustard.
4) so i was told the other day that john kerry's wife teresa owned the keinz ketchup factory, and my bro was saying how it would be so rad for them to just insert this mind-altering chemical into the ketchup which made people want to think left and vote for kerry which i just thought was a brilliant idea in theory, ethics and logic aside, because like, every american eats ketchup every day. regan wanted ketchup to be offiicially named a vegetable, to give the kids a better chance at their 5-10 a day quota. BUT, i found out today, while screwing around, that kerry's wife only actually owns 4% of the company, which is still a fuckload of money, but she probably doesn't have enough pull to do the victory chemical thing. damn. another strategy, please.
say-- ever try to search for anything on a goverment site and never come up with anything close to what you were looking for, even tho you know it's on there somewhere, like, for a fact? what, do they have goldfish designing the search engines or something? argh.
sterling told us a good story today about one time when he was working at a dishwasher at satisfaction feast (yes, the whole vitamins dept used to work there), he worked with a fellow who knew ru-paul pre-sex change, and ru-paul asked this guy if he wanted to have sex with him to try out his (her) new equipment, and dude turned him down, probably weirded out and such. and now, i mean-- what a story! three degrees of separation between sarita and ru-paul.
ps. i ate a lot of (operative word) of choice nosh today.
for breakfast: a soymilk smoothie with banana, 6-berry mix, acai (praise tool), flaxmeal, hemp protein, cinnamon, arrowroot powder, coconut and a piece of kamut bread avec soybutter and banana-grapefruit preserves
lunch: sprouted grain wrap with avocado, olives, pinto beans, pesto, red pepper (yes, similar to yesterday's pasta) and kale with bragg's and garlic kelp flakes
for no reason but that we wanted it: a date square split with emily
supper: a raw soydog with ketchup and soymayo, kamut bread with garlic powder, a couple chocolate pastilles
then it went downhill after we smoked: a piece of inari from sobey's when i went with chris and emily, veggie bacon straight out of the package that i ripped into with my teeth in the sobey's foyer on the way out the door, some chai with soymilk, a couple waffles with real cumberland county maple syrup and organic buttery spread.
pps. i had pictures for like EVERY paragraph, and my hello program won't work tonite, so i can't post them, and for that i am truly sorry, and also embarrassed. blah!

ott um

c'est l'autumne.

awoke at 9:30, said nope, then bolted out of bed at 1:40.

lazy mofo, yes, but i was up ridiculously late (no excuses that i know). i made a smoothie using a half packet of my acai berries and some hemp protein. what a dream, and even my body doesn't even reject it.

blake and i went to the mall (nothing nothing nothing, oh, some chocolate so they would give us bus change) where we met joey. then we got wacky and watched windows media player's trippy backgrounds while listening to stereolab (the french songs)and made an anime pic of g's mom-- which was satisfying.

i was making some kamut linguine with pesto, kale, kalamata olives, artichoke hearts and tofu, when i realized i wanted more olives, and some red pepper. so replaced the cover on the cooked pasta, dashed to the store, and got some olives, red pepper, oyster mushrooms (first time-- i like!), soymilk, avocado, water, tp; and dropped off my film from the ling-mich wedding (about time, yes). i also added nutritional yeast FLAKES and some flaxmeal to the pasta and it was extraordinary.

i did a little journal writing (apparently, according to a british study, those who keep journals are more depressed than those who do not-- contrary to what they set out to prove. how fuck'd. i'm fairly mixed on that, altho i do believe my paper journals have saved me from some unknown nastiness), read for an hour or so and was interrupted by a call from my godbrother. eff, i hadn't spoken to him in 8 years (yes, my godbrother is the male progeny of my godfather and godmother. i also have twin godsisters). he sent me a very detailed update on the last 8 years of his life fairly recently, and i replied by giving him an equally detailed (but, if you can imagine, more wordy) update, and only got to grade 12 or something, and never finished. i should do that sometime. it was great talking to him. we used to see each other say twice a year til i was 16, then we both got jobs and stopped going on the family trips. we have similar music tastes and stuff, and he got to go to a tool concert, which i was a tool for not going to. oh, when they get out of the studio...

and i went for a walk, to the south end. i attemped to test my notoriously fecal sense of direction, and i have to admit my repressed nervousness as i crossed a bridge on a street i'd never heard of before, only to have been brought back around to where i began. a fresh night-- chilly, misty, sparsely populated (only with frosh jocks). broke a law-- took a shortcut thru the le marchant school playground/park which is closed at 10pm. it was fun to be a criminal, but being in a park afterhours is way more fun when you're making out, or say having a heart-to-heart in a spot where he says you can never return. this place is forever out of bounds for us. soon there will be a dearth of places safe enough to whine to each other.

and now i'm drinking my sleepytime tea and listening to type o negative's october rust album.

ott um. awesome.

click. hate. click.

so na na nuthin'-- besides getting g ready for his eurotrip--scraping the dregs of my piggy bank (i owed him) and exchanging it for pounds, buying some peanut butter for the UK--b/c they don't have it there, going to canadian tire for foam and duct tape, to shoppers hoping to find stencils. i so wish i could be on tour with them. not a rock band, sure, but an orch-pop band would have to do. and they're phun folks. if you're gonna be in england, france or germany in the next month, check them out:

Heavy Blinkers European Tour 2004 Itinerary
Sept 23 Reading @ South Street
S 24 Birmingham @ Glee Club
S 25 Leicester @ Charlotte
S 27 London @ Cecil Sharp House (Transistor show) (that's the UK label...)
S 28 London @ Water Rats (Track & Field show)
Oct 6 London (don't know where...just got added)
O 13 Nancy (FR) @ Nancy Jazz Pulsations Festival
O 15 Munich @ Atomic Cafe
O 16 Berlin @ Privat Club
O 17 Offenbach @ Hafen
O 18 Cologne @ Panamaformat
O 19 Kassel @ K-19
O 20 Muenster @ Gleiss 22

he was so not into leaving today, which was hard to see. i think they'll be okay. nice that ja boule is with them, a nice balance. for supper i had a quarter of an avocado, a pot of steamed vegetables: broccoli, a whole onion (mmmmmmm!), squash, zucchini and a small potato-- upon which i useed some bragg's, tahini and garlic kelp flakes. then i had a glass of soymilk. it's interesting that i always crave junky, filthy food, but really it's the whole foods that finally satiate me. i never remember when i'm emotionally distraught. eff that. r sent me a piece he's working on, which is beautiful, despite the less-than-stellar recording. i will try to go see his and adrian's recital. it's like having a child in elementary school.

tonight i hung with crm and blake for a bit. drank mineral water with ice (a faux pas i'm told). sneezed a lot. listened to nine inch nails and a mixed punk cd that chris made, and also to songs off "alden," his ipod. chris said that the star wars remastered dvds have some bizarre changes in plot-- like how bobba is now with han when he first talks to jabba (is this the correct detail, chris?) and it is day instead of night when something happens-- i don't remember, but again, it's kind of fucked.

tomorrow i am keen to go buy shoes with the cheques i found pinned to the bulliten board-- one from the previous owners of our store (a suck up cheque), and one small one for the article i wrote for the source. those two combined will buy me more expensive shoes that i'm accustomed to-- maybe i should blow the whole thing. or i could go downtown and try to find some dinosaur jr cds. one cassette doesn't provide enough j. mascis for this small girl. never enough. i want to play scoops, but it is too cold. and i don't want to change out of my skirt. and my wrist is a bitch.

and i also got my new stats counter to work and am uberpumped about it. already i realize my blog is being read by way more people than i expected-- and i don't know them-- and some are from the US, and it's all very exciting. it's not encouraging, however, that their average length of visit is like 5 seconds or less.
click. hate. click.

ani-me 

community piss for mayor

what i like is hanging with ja boule
what i like is drinking his dad's homebrewed wine
and then smoking herbs on the step and in the house
and talking to j, who's smarter than me
but doesn't seem to care.
today i think i had more suds in my hair than ever i have before
and my body was totally soaped from this shampoo
and this was when the city wanted to shut the water (community piss) off
so here i was totally soapy and geared to exfoliate my body and face
and shave my jambs
and i had to coldly wrap myself in towel and find something to occupy myself for an hour
before peter kelly (vote victor for mayor!) decided i should start my rinse cycle.
speaking of which--
three's company went to do our laundry at bill and maria's today.
apparently it takes two men to get me to do laundry regularly
and i got a veggie burger and hummus from
cafe vienna
owned by greeks
run by an egyptian
who sells lebanese
and mexian food
and i scratched my lottery ticket (yahtzee) and won nothing
and said fuck after each of the 10 lines
which apparently didn't help my karma
and also what i did today was hang with crm
we went to sheldon's and i got some tiny star wars figs who come randomly (lando! a jawa!)
and then to the grocery store for waffles, cinnamon-os, tofu, avocado, soymilk, water, soydogs, and a raw food bar which i accidentally stole
and of course a few buffys this morning--
which were good--
but without seth green, i honestly don't know how interested i'd be.

puffy avec buffy

i was supposed to be introduced to buffy a while ago, but it hadn't happened until now. blake was determined to have me see it, and so we started with an episode midway through third season-- the one where there was an alternate dimension where willow was a hot gay vampire (prophethic, eh fans?). a pleasant introduction. since, i've seen a few more episdodes. another tv show cracked, yet i've still not seen many of the top-rated shows, and for that i feel somewhat pure. i am slightly in the buffy-know. it's pretty enjoyable, but tv is tiring. i ate popcorn and am puffy avec buffy.

b
l
a
h

work was fast-paced and not terribly fulfilling. it would've been had the fine young girl (newly diagnosed with celiac disease) and her mother (who walked into the store having done zero research) been anymore grateful. i could have recommended spelt bread and thrown the girl into a fucking badspell, but no-- i ignored say eighty perfectly curious and deserving vitamins customers and spent an hour shopping for this ungrateful family for a distracted, lame little thanks here and there, no long and drawn out thank you that made painted me a hero. this is absolutely necessary. i work for low pay. we're not allowed to accept gratuities. thank me until i blush. this is what i need.

and so i guess honesty usually wins. it may be as uncomfortable as being hung upside down from a hospital bed for ten minutes, wrapped in blankets, slapped numerous times and then prodded with needles for a half hour (true story), but i guess it's worth it. i can only swear with a pen and paper for so long before i start looking obviously pained. so there you are, whether you liked to hear it or not. i told you what you knew anyway. it's not that big of a deal, but now-- do with it what you will, and hopefully you will do something. honesty often wins-- try it sometime. i feel better, even in just making someone feel uncomfortable for a minute. nothing personal.

stage what?

what do you have to do to get someone's home phone number? sometimes nothing is enough-- not a bared soul or ass. not the biggest deal, really, so why does it have to be? it just hurts my feelings.

what does it take to hang with pals these days? an application form, in a .pdf file or something?

what does it take to enjoy a good rock show? just three good bands, or perhaps only one, but three helps hit it home--and a few familiar faces to help lose you in the crowd.

an excerpt from correspondence, used in laziness:

and i just returned from stage 9, which was great. it's a great venue, which you should check out. the three bands were awesome. B.A. Johnson, who loves his crowd so much that he moved here, is a great casio-keyboard-- solo guitarist, is a funny SHOTGUN FACE-- brian lingesque-kinda guy, sings about about his neighbours fucking to moist and our lady peace (by the way, after i got done talking to you last night, the upstairs neighbours fucked like crazy animals and i wanted to also) and how lame that is. and then there was immaculate machine, from victoria, who were a rawkin' threepiece who've played here before, and love it here and are awesome and the drummer had long blond hair and played with his shirt off and had a tattoo of a crow on the middle of his chest and wow! they made me want to play drums again. i want to be in a band again. there are a few cats around in the same position as me-- want to play, but need a lot of practise. speaking of which, i met up with one tonight, a girl from the superstore, a pharmacist who likes indie rock and metal. we should go to shows together. maybe we will. i met her at a conference once. and the third band is my friend seth's band, the burdocks. i got to explain to some out of town kids what burdocks were. the band is always great. stage 9 was packed with like 30 of greg's architecture friends who are good cats, and it was nice to see them. i decided to rock out mostly, and dance in lieu of academic conversation (hey, it's not my discipline, i can only keep pace for so long). lots of familiar faces there. i could've gone on my own. i will remember for next time. i had 6 six ginapples and have a bit of a headache in the front of my head which i hope to remedy with kamut bread, water, chocolate, and vitamins.

hey, hey, hey-- mucous mebranes!

what's your favourite mucous membrane?
all of mine have been featured prominently today, in some capacity.
my favourite is typically and tragically my least active.
my nose, however, is c-logged.
wishing it's allergies.
fearing it's a cold.
je ne sais pas, mais je suis mal.
it's tres annoying to mouth-breathe all day.
i feel like i'm devolving. next i'll start dragging my knuckles and groaning like a wookie.
a jolly surprise is my emotional outlook today. i can't believe my apparent tolerance of my surroundings and situation. it boggles me, but i accept, for fear of the l-theanine wearing off and suggesting i react negatively. thanks, richard, for the l-thea. also, thanks for the aller-7 sample, altho you don't know you've given it to me yet.
em said today, "remember the day you were in a shitty mood last week?"
"which day?"
"all of them," and then proceeded to recall when i was pissy with a handful of customers, especially the one whose ear i slammed the phone down on in such a harsh and malicious manner that i made emily sad. and i was so abrupt with another when she simply inquired as to when we were closing, that she stared, scowled and scuttled away. at least it made me feel better to make someone else sample a taste of how dreadful i felt, albeit for a second. i sobered up after i stopped feeling the guilt of making her needlessly experience my distaste for living.
tonight: talked to em while she checked her email, puttered around the house, blew my nose, got groceries (pinto, adzuki, and lima beans, acai, onions at great ocean; water, soymilk and rice crackers at the ASS), ate a little bowl of special k which was pretty awesome since i don't know if i've ever had a bowl of special k, listened to zwan and gabe minnkin while putting some clothes away and cleaning the bedroom, blew my nose many more times.
yes, i got some acai (ah-say-ee!). i told the company to harass our grocery manager and lo and behold, we have acai. i am so pumped. try it try it try it if you haven't.
and i blew my nose again
and i finally have 32,000 optimum points. $75 worth of condoms, chocolate, magazines and black nailpolish here i come.

relaxin o'hectic

eff.

feeling trumps thinking again,
and i forgot
and therefore lost.
to the cottage for my "weekend" and it was almost purely awful. i didn't want to talk to my parents-- which made things awkward. my godfather was there-- who is yap yap yap-- one of the premiere roasting fiends blake and i ever knew. he is more left-wing than i remembered-- but still, of course, grilled my every comment-- which i was too tired to care about, or react to.
what are you, some kind of commie or something?
do you still have horrible haste in music?
i'd have to be dead before i'd try soy.
i wish women would learn how to do outside work.
and so mostly, i ate mom's vegan comfort food
and wrote in my journal.
monday's weather was cold and windy-- which was awful because the plasticky-metallic tyvac paper shit kept crinkling and fucking around in the wind, which created the most horrific and annoying noise (so i thought). the real most horrific and annoying noise was my father and godfather shingling on the cottage. i was such an idiot to think i could possibly get any relaxing done in this atmosphere. basically it came down to this being the last weekend i could possibly go to the cottage this summer. i should've left it as it was-- perfect. but i had to go and fuck it up by hating my time there and regretting my decision to go there. that night,i fell asleep on my journal with the light off. this rarely happens. i was fucking beat. this at 10:00 too. embarassing even.
tuesday: i took some deef with me, and a lighter with a half ml of lighter fluid, which got me thru a bit, and enabled me to eventually talk to my grandparents, after i'd been ignoring them for an hour or so. i found a good place to smoke, in back of a familar cottage (there are only about three cottagers down this time of year). it was sunny, with lots o' wildlife around.it's amusing to add this never-before-seen-dimension to the cottage experience. i wished blake had been there.
the best part of the afternoon, was then taking a stroll up to the "other end" of the beach, sitting on someone else's lawn chair, then slipping off my kicks and seeking a patch of hot dry sand to bury my feet into. stared at the creek for a while. collected some some beach glass for a possible mosaic table that i might make some day. found some hot dry sand and rubbed it on my left leg for like five or so minutes. why? because it felt awesome, and because i could, and because i don't have sand to rub on my leg at home. i didn't think the afternoon could get any better, and i also thought there was a still possibility that mom would take me to pedvag (a thrift store in port elgin), so i went back to the cottage, even tho i also thought there was a possibility that my grandparents would be there. nope to pedvag. yes to gparents. ugh. i mean, they're allright and all, but i have to be prepared. basically i offered up a lot of yesses and nos to nana's questions. grampie just says "eghn?" a lot. it gets pretty uncomfortable and annoying. i wish it didn't, but it's always kind of been like that with him, just in different ways. nana and i and mom discussed war cake, which was a good time. i can make it, since it's vegan, and this __mas i probably will. look out for your piece.
at night, the hockey game was on, which was surprisingly ok because my godfather actually talked to me while it was on, and then i went upstairs and caught up with a couple of my away- peeps via phone. then tried to empty my head by watching tv, but the shows i chose were a little too empty-- friends and that 70s show. i had too much room to think, thus continued feeling nauseous. slept.
wenesday: really pumped to return to the city (oddly). enough clangabangbanging on the side of the house. deef: repeat. behind the same cottage, but this time i needed to pilfer matches from the medicine cabinet. used them all. they made it taste chemically and horrid, and then i used them up and only got a bit. ah! sat on the diving stand which is up on land now. laid there and a) compiled a mental list of places i want to have sex at my beach and b) forgot about living for a bit. for lunch, i had lentils, rice, strifry and raisin bread. tried to talk to mom, did okay. got on the bus and sat with a guy who'd been on since edmonton, 92 hours. he didn't bother me. read. slept. i'm here. greg bought a computer. tried again to give me photoshop lessons. i scanned something. now i'm ready for bed and just wrote arguably the most boring blog entry ever.
sorry.
je suis desole.
estoy apesadumbrado.
that's as many languages as i know
(and i had to look up the spanish to geezis remind me!).

jour du random

i tried my new hemp protein-- the stuff that i bought with my last fifteen dollars the day before i found out the reason i only had fifteen dollars was because nobody at andy's restaurant knows how to use a debit machine and charged me $100 for a $20 meal. if i didn't love their sushi so much, i might leave a horsehead on their doorstep. ok, i'm being a bit rash-- i haven't yet confronted them about their mistake. anyway, the hemp protein is fucking fantastic. it's got 11g of fibre, 12g protein, a great texture and i felt superb all day. i didn't even have to use the bathroom urgently at work-- at all actually. i honestly can't remember any day that this has happened. thank you, hemp protein. i will give all the credit to you.
my day was actually pretty good. not too often i can say that-- especially working on a busy saturday. lots of fair and amicable customers, lots of being appreciated by them. the l-theanine and flower essences continue to work their magic by assisting my emotions in their attempt at stabilization. good on ya, those. good samples-- my favourites: french bread and pesto, sea salt n' vinegar kettle chips and soyamaze dip (canola oil galore, but tasty) avec rice crackers. for lunch, i had a lovely mixed vegetable coleslaw and garlic bean salad with half an avocado (thanks, rebecca) and i still felt awesome. ta da!
got a call from nicole, the NV manager in amherst. we talked shop and planned to talk more shop. nice to trashtalk my old place of work-- what a horrible company. they treat their devoted workers like such shit.
after work, i came home, chatted with g while he made a card for michelle. i ate a raw jumbo soydog that i cut up, and with chopsticks, dipped into ketchup and soy mayonnaise. then i toasted some kamut bread, which i ate with soynut butter and grapefruit-banana preseves. poured some soymilk into my maw. inuit. adrian called, i met him at the ocean and we went for a walk around the hood, smoking on the way (i love our city), and finally ending up behind st. pat's-- shooting the shit. he's a got a good ear, and a good head on his shoulders to support them. elling strolled up, we shared some strange and wonderful tales-- and perhaps found a few of life's important answers in a page ripped from a robert someone book.
barely resisted buying healthy junk at the store, returned home and worked the lettering for michelle's 30th birthday card, "have a really cool birthday." i didn't even get to sign it. i wasn't invited. i think it was an oversight.
went online, yadda blah hello
walked downtown to go to pat's play "wonton heartache" even tho i didn't think i'd make it there tonight. i went alone. stopped into michelle's birthday supper at opa! and sat for five minutes listening to her friends tell cute stories while g ogled a sexy twin. i hugged michelle, who wondered why i wouldn't stay, told g i would see him at home if he didn't want to go to said play, and went alone. i kind of abhor (if you can kind of abhor anything) standing in lines. i say kind of, because i also kind of enjoy it. in the line to attend a play, lots of annoying conversations take place. first, there's always someone pointing to a program and commenting on their friend who's in the play. they say this loudly, so everyone can hear that they have cool theatre connections. second, there's just generally a lot of pretentious conversation going' round. and even tonight, during the fringe festival (and not to shit on the fringe festival, cause it's great), i got a faceful of both types of conversation. but, i also got to smile with pride when a gaggle of sexy girls were discussing mary janes (a style of shoe, boys), and saying that they love them, but that they can't bear to wear them because they don't exactly look cute on a size 11 foot. one girl said, "yeah, i even think that and i wear a size 8." ha! blast you all! my little size 5 feet look kinder-hot in the three pair of mary janes own. you: one up on my belly. me: one up on your feet.
so the play was funny, especially pat's neurotic character. worth $6. bought two packs of chocolate pastilles from the spring garden shoppers which was a) stocked for halloween (candy, not makeup-- blah!) and b) polluted with student bodies. gross. lots of groups of people out tonight. very few lone humans-- except for the cute skater who's was all like "what's up, dude?"
and now i'm here, g's home and doing emperor palpatine/darth vader skits with lego characters right in front of my face, so i sent him to bed-- even tho they were pretty funny.

the health of my bowels

dunna try to be brief:

last night too zonked to write-- fell fast asleep uncharacteristically early.
this morn, pumped to blog retroactively, was half-way done and the power flickered off. asshole.
so now, about yesterday:
had a mysterious appointment with a bowel nurse, kelly phallen-kelly (yes, really her name). she explained that her role is a new one in the G.I. (gastrointestinal) health care team, that she is basically responsible for the non-medication and surgery issues of the IBD (irritable bowel disease) patient. nice to have someone like that, i told her. so she was a good nurse, she's referred me for a second bone density scan (the awful steroids i was on for a year robbed a good chunk o' calcium from my little bones, gotta check on 'em), and we discussed me having a scope. i said i wanted one, hadn't had one since my diagnosis in '96. nobody's been keen to give me one, which has been pissing me off because i don't ask for much from the healthcare system. she asked me if dr. leddin had explained why they didn't want to bother, and i said no and she said well, where you have the disease, in your small bowel, there's not a risk of bowel cancer. i looked puzzled, and she said, you only have it in your small bowel, eh? that's what your chart says. and i was like, well, i think i have disease in my large bowel, but hell, it's been a long time since we've discussed specifics, say 8 years, but i think that.. so she conceded to look back in my charts and lo and behold, back in the beginning, my charts announced that yes indeed-- i have (or had, 8 years ago-- thinks could be either better or worse since then) 10 cm of rot in my small bowel (near where it attaches to my large) and 15 (yes, more than in my small) cm of rot in my large bowel, near my hepatic flecture. sweet-- so i DO have an increased cancer risk. i thought i was at a normal risk for colon cancer for two weeks. nice sigh for no reason. so she said that i could have a colonoscopy in one or two years, which excited me (most would be surprised to hear of somebody WANTING to take 1.5 bottles of lemon-salt flavoured laxatives, shitting everything but your teeth out, having your colon filled with air under pressure-- making you appear about six months pregnant, so much to that you can't even sit up, and have Drs stick a camera up your ass, creating an immense amount of pain that you can feel but can't express-- but it's a surprisingly fun time). so this takes me to being pissed off that my health care team hasnn't bothered to look back in my files to see that i have disease in both bowels, thus necessitating frequent cancer screening. fuck them. read my GD charts. compare them. look back one geezis appointment to see that i haven't been on medication for 5 years. sure i am oversimplifying, but fuck that noise! so i have this nagging balloon- thing behind/under my left ribcage. i can press it in and it pops back out, and it pisses me off and makes me wonder. my regular GI guy thinks it could be gas trapped there (which makes little sense, considering it's been there AT ALL TIMES for the past two years, even when i've fasted for five days),and this nurse thought it could be a lymph node. what the fuck? unbelievable, but not really. so now i want my charts. anyone have any experience with getting your charts from the hospital? i need some advice. i need it so i can make sure there's nothing else they're missing, plus i am curious, plus, i'd like to have it for my bowel zine i'm compiling. oh, and i have perianal disease. i suppose i've had it for a few years, but have never been tagged with the term. CHOICE!
so last night, i was singing the dirties song "suck my father's worm," when i decided (in jest, of course) to ask greg if he would suck his father's worm. he said he'd rather choose death. so i said, so would you ever suck another man's worm? and he said well, maybe for... and so i started naming prices and i think i got him to agree to $50,000 or something, and i said, whoa, i'd perform cunnilingus for a lot less than that and to that he said, yeah, we know your price, to which blake suggested something like $13 and while i was considering it, greg suggested that maybe i'd do it for a clif bar.
cunnilingus for a clif bar?
catch me in a desperate time, and i'm game.

awristocrap

wanted to sleep in lay-ay-ate
but he made me get out of bed to wash our clothes
kind of embarassing how seldomly i did laundry in his absense
i missed him carrying it for me--
too painful to do alone.
laundry was as usual, complete with traditional chocolatemilk (for him) on the church steps
and tennis on tv
and bill telling stories about petty jerks trying to rip him off.
hardly anyone works harder than this man,
and anyone who tries to take from him is void of a soul.
today's soul-less jerkwad tried to convince bill that his dry-cleaners had MADE a mark on the EDGE of the UNDERSIDE of his collar that we couldn't even see because it was so faint and insignificant. totally finding shit that wasn't there. you could've licked the stain off, if you could've located it.
lots of similar stories from bill, and blake when he worked there. funny to us-- you'd have to know bill. they're funnier recounted in a furious, tired, passionate greek accent.
got to see chris in his last fifteen minutes of roger's-- eight years, geezis, eh? i wanted to be his last customer, but he changed and signed out before i knew it. he was so relieved-- another era ended. three video stores and eight years later, a tired christian meagher retires from the quinpool location, and never will his legacy be matched.
then to the grocery store: olive oil, soymilk, water, veggie burgers, two avacados.
and home, online, looking for stuff, blah.
read a little of the morrisey book.
didn't get to hang with blake long, only for a bit this morning, which is so fun actually. i love when he's up when i get up. hanging out in the emorning is unbelievable. i miss this with emily. we had to stop listening to morrisey, tho, it was depressing us and we'd go to work sour grapes.
greg watched xfiles, is finished the second season, has been sleeping on the couch for hours.
tomorrow morn, i visit the bowel health nurse, and i don't really know why my doctor set up the appointment, and i thought of questioning it, but it'll be more fun not to know. more stories.
last time i went to the dcotor, i had two and half hours' sleep and was still drunk, and had to get blood tests. i will impress 'em with my sobriety this time.
my wrist is swole (thanks for the word) and painful because i, geekily, have been online all night, catching up,
with brian and meaghan in japan
and people in the city
and people who aren't in the city anymore
and even an old boyfriend, now a choice pal.
g_d bless the internet.
and if i have to type anymore, i will scream like a banshee and wake up the neighbours--
and only bryan adams would be proud of that.

goodbye, farewell, i'll see you in hell

goodbye, again, and again and again
and so many of you are gone now
to better things
or different things.
the end of an era.
the six days with you at the house was awesome
even tho i was gone a lot
great times, tales, larfs.
something's already different without you,
even tho you are still in the city
just the thought of you both gone makes me gag
but i've been feeling like gagging a lot lately,
so this just worsens the pot.
a nice photo shoot before you left
with community piss
and bacontwo of my faves--
and we said farewell for the second last time
(you called us later)
and metric and stogie awaited your last words (brian)
which were,
so eloquently,
"I have to finger-fuck the japanese,"
complete with appropriate hand-motions.
this helped balance the tears
which i wept as you drove away.
the we said gbye to stogie and metric who said they hoped to see us even tho our anchor is gone and we will but only on the street as usual

and then we saw hero which was fantastic even tho we both fell asleep and had no idea what was going on
and then to satisfaction feast which was pretty gross
and home for tea
and emotional eating
and xfiles
ah... back to the swing of things.

la pointe of saturation

probably my body has reached a saturation point.
i think i've drank for the last at least six or seven consequtive days/nights.
i'm not bragging--i'm just sayin'.
finally, i think i see the light at the end of the social tunnel-- everyone is going that's going, and almost everyone has come that was going to.
i don't want to finish the gin in my freezer.
no more 'ginapples for me, j'espere.
also-- staying up late:
have gotten to bed before three (but scarcely) twice now-- i may be able to do it. everyone's going, the house will be emptying. we may be in a mellon collie way for a bit, missing you all-- but at least i won't be up as late, or so drunk. mommy and daddy will miss you, but we need to sober up.
my diet needs a tune up. i should probably eat more than bread, butter and garlic.
so now, i think i am officially ill.
what i have been accustomed to treating as allergies, has materialized as an effin' cold, i think.
maybe it was how i've been treating my body.
maybe it was because i let someone with a cold use my toothbrush.
but the best thing about being sick, is the challengeof healing myself.
i love it.
dale said once that i should make it a business-- to nurse people back to health. i would love this-- altho i think i could only do it for people that i liked-- and i would have to be pretty confident about the state of my immune system.
so i'm taking my usual gamut of supplements,
plus i'm trying black elderberry extract, some new oscillo-mimicking stuff, and making a pot o' soupe d'onion with beer and champagne broth, featuring shitake mushrooms and miso (which in itself is a good enough reason to get sick).
and i will stay cool and try to lay low and try not to mourn the loss of everything yet nothing at once.
autumn: come to momma.
summer: fly away home.

not even the biggest curse i thought it was

i thought i might die because i haven't been sleeping-- but sterling said no-- that it's how i feel day to day that counts. i tend to agree because of how i feel, and that i won't do any permanent damage-- but i still fear that someday my bowels simply won't work at all from the nutritional and substance abuse, combined with unproductive fretting. i fear they won't have had time to heal during the night since i don't sleep enough. i never sleep enough. this is perhaps why my bowels are rotten in the first place. my insomnia has been ever-present, and now i just don't bother to go to bed. it's rad at night. it's rad in the morning. the day kind of sucks, but i have to work-- so i do the best i can do. sam graci would be rolling over in his greens factory (to appropriate a funny joke and drastically diminish its humour-- especially since nobody really knows who sam graci is), but this is how my body works. what would richard say? i should ask him.

...
and i changed into my kill em' all shirt and brown pants (black n' brown, man), not knowing that ol' black n' brown himself would be showing up a little later. a little after i got home from work, a little after i made a tofu sandwich, a little after i smoked a honeyrose with my brother before he left for work. but he did show, and andy did not-- which blew. but jason oickle was on fire, relaying stories at a great and rapid pace. lots of new ones to add to my repritoire of liverpool stories with which to shock and appall outsiders. saw some more casey and brian's half an hour show, a waterspitting piece (which had special meaning to me as a waterspitter/toothpastespitter/liquorspitter/spitspitter/etcspitter/butnot everythingspitter. i had to spit out a fire tonight! good fucking firefighting, declared he) and many more sketches. gold i'd never seen-- including none other than "sore fingah!" i love when the fragments come together. i also was very pumped to see the dennis jollimore cooking sauerkraut piece.
then kelsey called from australia, trying to use up her calling card, which is awesome. she'll be in canada in two days. and i got an email from dawn in beijing. and i didn't even leave the neighbourhood today. and i'm awesome.

in a fuckshell

i got up late--, finally, deservingly (say 11), ate oatmeal for breakfast, had lunch with emily (get well soon) and amanda (it's not you, it's him) then downtown to see open water (suspenceful but only ok) avec andrew; then home, wrote while blake decorated, greg kissed me, made rice, hung with the crew here then brian left for the south shore, washed the dishes, had a shitty talk with chris (another location forever barred), emily came to drop me off samples of a phenomenal new vegan meal replacement, i changed my shirt, ate rice on the step, saw joey's new dog (jet) and fed him and harley rice, called em who came over and was seeming so ill i'm surprised she's alive (hardly talking), went to the howard's for em to say yo, saw mike and michelle-- and luckily, with this game that mike and i have where we kind of scream louder than the other one for a few rounds, i had the opportunity to scream fucking loudly and maniacally on windsor stret and then he made a monkey call which was horfificly loud, and that cheered me somewha; and i went home and wrote and prepared a gargantuan glass of whiskey/gin/ice/twokindsoflemonade/tropicaljuice and downed that and once again changed my shirt and shoes (only crazy people wear red shoes) and went to the howard's for andrew's going away party which emily was too sick to go, and a good time was had, all those folks are nice, i got a glass of wine (in a champagne flute--gasp!) and some rye bread and olives then we booked and saw catie's new spot which is phenomental and is close to many amenities then goodbye, and home and fuck!-- lois was here and another michelle and stogie and meaghan and greg and blake and altho there was a lb of jasmine tea here, they only got ginger tea and then we smoke blake and i and he answered the phone hello house of the lord,-- jesus christ speaking and i fucking killed myself laughing and it was after 12 but it was only brian who wanted to then call blake reverend and now they're watching xfiles (like they have been all day) and i am going the fuck to bed, BEFORE 3 AM (so far, so good, so what?
an amazing fucking summer-- but get gowan.