acid or bust

this week has seen my complete dedication to an alkaline diet. there are a couple of problems with this: a) there are six cuntillion different ideas of what constitutes an alkaline diet. lots of contradictions in the lists i found, like serious ones that i won't bore you with but that pissed me off. instead of doing what i would normally do, which is ignore the foods i don't like on some lists and make the most attractive list to suit what i dig, i actually used the strictest list possible. b) consequently, i was only able to consume say a quarter or so of my usual amount of protein, and besides being so pissy i wanted to punch everyone including myself in the face for three days straight, i was seriously sharving for a handful of my usual mainstays.
my diet could consist of:
all vegetables, not including tomato and eggplant (which i never eat anyway)
potatoes, sweet potatoes and corn (starchy veg)
bananas
dried fruit (dates and raisins)
avocado
almonds
date molasses, blackstrap molasses
soymilk and soy yogourt
... and that's it. that's fucking it. oh, yeah, and spring water and most herbal teas.
one more day until i can taste sweet acidity.
i'm tempted to give myself a yerba mate enema, stuff a steaming bowl of brown rice with bragg's and tahini in my anal cavity and fuck myself with a block of tofu. i am so ready for monday to come.
on the upside, my ph strips say i'm akaline.
on another positive note, when i puked on the second day of total alkalinity, my vomit tasted much better.