quite. 

clutter clearing and butter fearing

blogging has indeed fallen by the wayside, giving me insight into what would almost inevitably occur if i let myself miss just one day with my paper journal. initially, i didn't feel i could miss a day here-- thinking i owed something to my faithful readers. then i was all like: fuck that! my most faithful readers almost all have blogs who also don't post every day. and so i let shit slip, and here i am. not much is terribly new. i've been laying pretty low, not being terribly social-- not in any sort of an intense way, anyway. i haven't gone to see a show in a couple of weeks-- which i'm missing. looking forward a few in the coming weeks, most notably gunts n' roses on december 9 at reflections, b.a. johnston with jack macdonald at the khyber on december 10th and the heavy blinkers at stage 9 on december 18. will i get to all these shows? perhaps it's unlikely-- but they'll keep my heart ticking until then, despite the dreadful holiday looming over me. luckily, i've been able to miss most of the holiday onslaught because of the choices i've made so far. my workplace decorates quite minimally and tastefully for the holidays, i've seen but a few houses lit up so far, intentionally missed the parade of lights and haven't been to a mall. the shopper's drugmart christmas shit has been up for a long time now, as have the riduculous piles of toys and other missmas nonsense at the grocery store. this is perhaps the first year where i genuinely don't care whether christmas happens or not. i mean, my family (prompted by brutha and i) has "cancelled" christmas before-- which i have to admit was a pisspoor attempt at cancelling it: we still had a tree, a nice dinner and gifts-- but mostly it was donations to charity. it was fun, but wasn't fulfilling enough for everyone to do it again. this year i've solely requested cash from my parents, from which with i can buy a bunch of cds and pants or shoes and books and whatnot. we'll see if they can go thru with my request. i fucking doubt it. i hate gifts that i won't like or use. at least i can say that i've asked to not have them. brutha love and i are going home for a few days just prior to the blessed holiday: lots of smake and late nights with the golden girls will get us through. i'm sure i will be kind of sad when christmas actually arrives and it's a non-event. i can just picture me sitting around the house smoking a bowl with a glass of spiked soynog, listening to tool and eating granola with soymilk, banana and carob chips along with some veggie bacon and ketchup, and perhaps crying-- just for the fuck of it. this actually wouldn't be the worst event. i'm alone-- greg's with his torments (i mean parents) and blake's doing a crossword puzzle at the front desk or something-- bored off his cock. then maybe i'll go to sleep. this makes christmas sound ideal. hopefully by then we'll have found a place to live. our progress has been minimal, as nobody's been returning our calls. tomorrow i'll take a trot around our preferred neighbourhoods looking for a gem. that and dig thru my stuff and clear a lot of stuff away. i read some of my clear your clutter with feng shui book, put on the least serious, yet most positive music i could find that has no negative or even any real emotional baggage at all. oh danko, how i do love thee! the outcome? i weeded 125 books from my collection. it was difficult to do, but once i applied the feng shui guidelines, it was a cinch and i feel good about my decision. some of you are probably thinking-- how could she get rid of books? i mean they're books-- precious books! yeah, well, i thought the same thing, but what's the point of having a bunch of anything around it they don't mean enough to you to have already read them, and realistically you won't-- probably ever? if i want these books in the future, i'll look them up. for now, i still have many to keep me busy,and i'm stoked about all of them. you're welcome to come over and have a rummage thru them if you like. other than that, shit all is new in a physical sense. am about to make a batch of granola bars, perhaps my final test batch before i go big and make a batch to sell at the store. i just need a name and logo. any ideas? i'm so tired lately, perhaps because i've been getting more sleep. this mayn't make sense to you, nor does it really with me-- but i guess it's throwing my body for a bit of a loop. i've been lethargic and pissy. i want to punch almost everybody-- including myself (is there a juijitsu move that i could use to kick the shit out of myself?) at a certain point in the night. i'm almost there. luckily there's nobody home to taste my wrath. i've been having some mild epiphanies-- which normally do come when i do some clutter clearing. my bowels have also been doing pretty well functionwise, altho my body's been a little (understatement) bloaty. i know mostly how to remedy this, but i want to pretend i don't. sugar: i still hate you. i am, tho, out of bread (i'm out of chips i'm out of chips i'm out of chips-- and i'm out of chips!), so that also helps. tomorrow i hope to use as my productive day out of my three days off. wednesday is devoted to the bush demonstration, about which i am pumped. it's been a while since i've been involved in a good protest. you should go.

at the eye of the tornado-- blow me away!

christly hell- what the h is going on? i got an email from a friend today whose boyfriend has joined a cult in nelson, b.c. they were one of those couples who everyone coos at and aspires to be. they are saccarine, but not annoying. totally in love, with no forseeable end. none until he joined a cult, anyway. what the fuck is up? nothing that happens to me could compare to this and a sex change operation-- so how's about i don't try very hard?

i watched the end of predator today, the beginning of which i watched several months ago. not a bad movie. the only thing more frightening than an alien is a transparent alien! i stopped eating olives and instead i ate oatmeal, raw soydogs dipped in veganaise, kamut bread with garlic and avocado, and soymilk with flaxmeal and carob powder among other things. i got high as bejeezus and perhaps spooked my brother's coworkers then went for a walk in the quasi-hurricane, which was so fantastic. it was unreal. didn't get anything done that i wanted to do, got lots done that i didn't necessarily want to do. how's that for a crap night?

if it's good enough for jeebus!!! i did a radio show yesterday, and went on a few milkrants. this billboard isn't new, in fact, i think this was the one that was up in fairview or spryfield a while back.  

ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmm olives! oh! oh! oh! ohhhhhhh!!!!!! 

i haven't even eaten lunch yet!

ever have one of those days where you wanna sit home, eat kalamata olives and masturbate? hello yesterday. i still only long for olives or anything briny today. that, and german industrial (soylent green, something german!!) so, as a vegan nutritionist, i may have bitten off more than i can chew. i've agreed to do a one-on-one teaching session with an overweight mcdonald's employee who eats nothing but low-quality fried foods. what the fuck was i thinking? i felt awkward even stepping in that joint to give her the evalutation forms. i've been boycotting that place for a while, which means little in many ways, as i've boycotted many companies-- including freeman's (remember that two week period?) so i ran into a friend today who said that next time i saw her, she might have a beard. she wants to get her boobs cut off before defending her thesis, because she wants to get the process started, but is worried what her professors will say. she's changing her name, getting hormones, but has an ethical dilemna because she's vegan. so yeah, i ran into a friend on the road and she said she's a man. and even tho i was a little high, i handled it pretty well because i'd heard about it from somone else yesterday and she was delighted at my suport. fuck. it's not even noon. what will the day bring? i'm going downtown. perhaps spring garden road won't even be there. whatever, i'm going to barrington.

coherent-o-rama

lately i haven't been the best vegan-- succumbing to the mean temptation of the supposed vegan gingerbread man (thanks, dilemn) and a few corners of my favourite shoes ( i am going straight across the river styx for this one). so last night, before purchasing an eyeliner, i checked a site to see which mainstream cosemetic companies don't torture animals, and i only found the one that i knew: revlon. so fine. i'm gonna buy a revlon eyeliner. it certainly limits my choices-- and i really wanted a big fat smudgy one, but i finally decided that i should be more stuck about sticking to my guns. so then when i found the revlon eyeliner, i noticed it was in a blister pack with a card. fuck! seriously! i choose a company who doesn't pour chemicals into the faces of rabbits, and i still get a company who doesn't realize that a an eyeliner doesn't need a package. i mean seriously-- it's an eye pencil. have you ever seen pencil in a blitser pack? one single pencil? i mean it's probably happened, but let it be known that that company is also a giant prick. it's like the leather vs pleather debate-- it's cool to be ethical and all, but which one's better for ye ole earth? fawk! seriously!
so at home, i ripped open the eyeliner and tried to do something gothy with my eyes for the party, and this markerlike eyeliner was, altho purported to mbe "easy to control": or somet shit, made me draw asshole lines all over my face. and then when i made a mistake-- the fucking shit wouldn't come off my lower lid. i had the scrub the cack out of my face to remove the liner which was touted as being above all others for its ability to apply a fine line and stay smudge free and strong for up to 16 hours. 16 hours? what the fuck?
i arrived at dilemn's at say 915 or something and began drinking whisky (which you must remember is "the angry man's drink"). i drank it fast, whisky and mineral water-- now known to dilemn and i as the fizzy depths or deep fizzy for short. there were a ton of people there i didn't know, lots of boys, most of whom weren't mildly interesting, but there were a few gems to be sure. i met a cool guy from iran, whose name i don't remember. but at least i 'd've remembered my helmet if i were biking home!) as i made a call and got someone pissy with me, the angry part of the angry man's drink became active and i became pissy and fatiged and dizzy and fizzy and fuzzy and right rarin;' to leave, and after a pleasant diversion on the porch, i was escorted home, where i sent a few incoherent emails about which i then laughed over breakfast :

i can hardly touch the keys. i came home on time and with any luck i'll be in bed by two. i am tanked and trying to check my mistakes. i ____ you. tonight i saw ___and ___and ___ and ___and ___ and your beloved beloved ____ yup, seems like grade 8, but i am willintg to look past. i wish i didn't feel like throwinng up (i won't), but i may try and call and say hi. ...(1:18am) best wishes for your _____if i don't say hi.

yo, perhaps i am long since past right now, but it's 1:26 am, i am tanked and wishing i were ____ with ___, but ____ or whoever was upset because i called late 1215 max!!, anyway i must go to sleep and i will talk to you with any luck tomorrow. ____ or something like it,_____
ps you are ______, ___ pps sorry i am not a mailorder bride. then i might be hotter. being caucasian sucks.

why the FUCK don't you______ tomorrow? why the FUCk don't i have any rice left? i guess i can answer why i ___ early. i thought it was cool when you said promise not to let this be ____________. dude, my wishes exactly. i will talk to you soon. why the FUCK aren't you_______ tomorrow? what gives? anyway, will chat later. i am surprised i can type. so tired. let'd go to north________ or whatever you said..........

five things

1) i slept in until 12:15 today (my shift began at 12) and work doesn't even care.

2) life's hard.

3) i'm content nonetheless. thanks, litebook!

4) i made so many dishes tonight: roasted sweet potato and parsnip, brown rice and amaranth, steamed purple cabbage, and my beloved tuno (a fishy meat analogue). lunch tomorrow will be so fucking good.

5) i gave a friend a condom that i had in my bag. i want a full report tomorrow, dude.

a place to call my hole

kids in the hall (second season released on dvd today) was my medicine tonight-- that and friends hangin'. i served pumpkin soup to nathan and michael, both of whom seemed to be inuit. em and chris were also there, and everyone left at different times. a good time assumed to be had by all. chris rearranged my room (aka the livingroom) tonight and i "helped" by reading passages of her menstrual rhythm, consequently teaching him a little more about the reproductive habits of rats, chickens and rats. did you know you can make a rabbit ovulate just by sticking a glass tube into her? so now i have a little den with a bedside table on which lies a water bottle, a lamp, my journal and pen, and my lenore doll. and there's a screen to cordon off the room a little. it's a cool little setup, altho it feels a bit like a tent i'd make with sheets between two chairs on my kitchen floor as a kid. but it's mine, and i like it. a place to go to, well.. mope, write and sleep.

i hope your face freezes that way! 

maybe my face will freeze that way

sometimes i'm truly afraid that my face will "freeze that way." if you know me, you know the way i mean. mom used to use this one on me a lot, attempting to cheer me up. in some ways i think it would be easier if my face only looked one way: fucking pissed, or even just really sad or grim. then maybe nobody would talk to me and in theory i would get what i want (altho i practise, i would be miserable and miss some of you [probably most of you who are reading] desperately). anyway, i do notice a lot that my face is in pissed mode and that a lot of old ladies have frown lines and i feel that maybe someday i will too have these strange melancholy lines carved deep into my face. a friend said that i had too good a sense of humour for this to happen. perhaps she's right-- damn. in many ways it would be cool to be able to just point to my permafrown when somebody asks me how i'm doing and say "how does it LOOK like i'm doing?!"

& lately i've been using sleep as coping mechanism for having to endure being awake. first i write (sur le papier, ne pas ici)-- vomit as many words as possible. then often i attempt reading (currently canadian vegetarian horror drama), but get so distracted by my own life with my head so far up my own ass. often this is when i realize i've been staring at the wall for 15 minutes and am breathing really heavily and can no longer do anything requiring any concentration-- even watching a movie. so i have two options- i can do one or more of the following: smoke a bowl, drink some whisky, brew myself some peppermint tea, scream and rant and try to find someone to spill to-- usually my brother-- or i could take some rescue remedy and fall asleep. this is the popular method that i use even within minutes of waking up somedays. even on my days off, okay especially then. sometimes i don't make it out of the house because i don't want to bother facing anyone. don't fret, tho, it's not like desperate times or anything-- sometimes i just don't feel like dealing. period. and so i lay on my couch staring at the walls for hours, getting up and then going back to sleep. playing :wumpscut:, danko jones, dinosaur jr, him, tool, whatever works as a distraction/pacifier/mood justifier/inspirationforwriting/writhing. whatever. and it's cool and i even enjoy it-- probably 80% of the time. i sometimes miss the comfort in being sad, or blah, or without. until i come to and realize that i'm still me and i don't want to go outside because I HATE IT. and not because it's winter, but because it's outside, and not as comfortable as slippers, sweaters, soymilk and, well, metal.

pumpkins of mass destruction (two stories)

me: i want six pumpkins from the county-- blake, bring me back six pumpkins from the county.
blake: uh, ok.
(travel by bus)
blake: ma, bean wants six pumpkins.
ma: oh you want a pumpkin do you blake?
blake: no, ma-- bean wants six pumpkins.
ma: oh , here's two for you-- give one to your sister.
blake: i don't want the damn pumpkins, they're for bean, and she wants six. make with the fucking pumpkins!
ma: hehenope.
(travel back by bus)
blake: here're some pumpkins for you from the county.
bean: fuck-- i wanted six.

so i bought a hardcore peeler (she was expensive, but the bitch was worth it) and went to town on her. it took me 40 minutes to rip all her skin off which was surprising-- she looked desperately easy. her flesh was so beautiful, with lots of rosy-peach undertones. as my solid instrument seared through her supple, young rural skin, i begin to notice tiny beads of dewy nectar seep through her pores as she rocked below me. i put a drop to my lips and quivered at the sweet delicate flavour of her lifeblood. as i scraped the final bits of skin from her corpse, i paused to view her ravaged body as a whole before i plunged my hand deep inside her and tore her apart. with a grin, i explored her inner reaches until i the point of no return. her aromatic flesh, so sinewy and alive drove me to spew seed all over the linoleum. i gathered the seed, and stored it for future rituals. from my hands i licked the flesh and lifeblood and reviewed the scene of destruction in a state of supreme fulfillment, sticky clothing and a promise to remember this forvever.

gimme something to believe in... 

ruining your supper with religion

my dad once told me that there are three things you don't talk about at the supper (yes, i'm from nova scotia where apparently we don't even have dinner) table:

1) politics

2) sex

3) religion

i have no idea where he got that, i think he was just trying to prepare me for the real world where some people's tables found shit like that offensive. and at our table we broke that rule nightly. anyway, if this blog were a table, i'd've been sent to my room long ago without any supper and a big red slapmark across my face. i'm surprised blogger hasn't booted my ass off, altho i don't remember signing any agreement saying i wouldn't be offensive.

so, as i've hardly touched on tableblasphem numero trois, i will introduce you to a sweet device that will choose a religion for you if you're so kind as to answer a bunch of questions about your beliefs, and so inclined to have one at all. even if, like me, you're not in the market for a religion, it's still fun to see what you'd be best suited for. now, as someone who doesn't have a strong set of beliefs, some of these questions had my little head wheels spinning rapidly and me ending up choosing some responses and not being too sure. this is cool because you can set a priority for each answer. anyway, i've done this quiz three times now, and below are my results (screw you catholicism! get away! i can't believe it even rated!):

1.
Neo-Pagan (100%)
2.
Unitarian Universalism (94%)
3.
New Age (87%)
4.
Liberal Quakers (81%)
5.
Mahayana Buddhism (80%)
6.
Theravada Buddhism (79%)
7.
Jainism (73%)
8.
Secular Humanism (72%)
9.
Sikhism (67%)
10.
Reform Judaism (65%)
11.
Taoism (62%)
12.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (59%)
13.
Hinduism (55%)
14.
New Thought (52%)
15.
Scientology (51%)
16.
Bahá'í Faith (51%)
17.
Nontheist (43%)
18.
Orthodox Quaker (41%)
19.
Orthodox Judaism (39%)
20.
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (33%)
21.
Islam (31%)
22.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (15%)
23.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (15%)
24.
Seventh Day Adventist (15%)
25.
Jehovah's Witness (10%)
26.
Eastern Orthodox (8%)
27.
Roman Catholic (8%)

so now you can find out what your best-suited religion is by taking the quiz yourself. also check out the rest of the site, because it's thorough and awesome. please comment on my blog with the results of your quiz! i'm interested. let's ruin everyone's supper table conversations!

frogs and raisins and fucking machines

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who wants to be a multimillionaire?

early yesterday morning, greg advised me to either rouse myself from my livingroom sleep or join him and tets on a morning trip to ye ole liverpool, chauffered by murray fry. i was tired as fuck because i, as usual, hadn't gone to bed til say four a.m. but since he promised we'd be back in decent time, i said what the hey and quickly readied myself for the road. when murray arrived, we schooled him a bit on our friend tetsushi, and he also asked his share of questions. initially, he was calling tetushi "sushi" and so we corrected him before tets arrived. but no. it was "sushi" all day, and the usual breen for me (yes, he's known me for 4.5 years and still doesn't know my name).

here's an example of a conversation with murray:

"sushi do you want an apple?"

"no thank you."

"breen do you want an apple?"

"no thanks, murray."

"sushi, do you want an apple?"

"no, thanks."

"breen, do you want an apple?"

"no thanks."

"sushi, breen, how about some carrot sticks?"

"no thanks"

"no thanks, i think i had enough carrots with my meal."

"sushi, want some carrot sticks?"

"no thank you."

"breen, some carrot sticks? can't take 'em back to pat now. greg, you'll have to eat them all."

"no."

greg eats said carrot sticks.

murray gnaws on a bunch of apples.

liverpool was as usual in my experience: looking more and more desolate/desperate, rainy and charming. tets was really into it, and thought that he might like to live at the cricket's harp. i agreed. he said "wow, this is nova scotia." we laughed at how cheap some of the beautiful houses were, and wished we had a good reason to move there. we even saw stutie (even fuckin' stutie knows that!) at the superstore, but no craig (should i have?)-- or even any other allstars. after the superstore, tets decided that he'd be a celebrity in liverpool, as the japanese contingent is nonexixtent. basically, we ventured to the south shore so greg could take some photos of his thesis site. the security guard at stenpro was the utmost in kind and helpful. he gave us an oral tour of the site, and told us just how awful it was that the economy in the town is taking a nosedive, etc. he looked pretty upset about it, understandably. for lunch we went to lane's and met mike and heather. i ate 8 carrot coins, 3 pieces of broccoli and some fries. that was pretty much it for liverpool. an enjoyable and memorable time, as usual.

em and i had plan for several weels to go to satisfaction feast for old times sake, but em wasn't hungry and didn't want to go downtown to we decided on andy's which is close-- but it was closed so we made soy pesto with artichoke hearts, kalamata olives, mushrooms, garlic scapes, onions, garlic and flaxmeal. it was rad, a welcome throwback to bremily's july.

this morning i was woken up by an extreme beam of light that rivalled that of any alien spacecraft i've seen, but i said screw it and returned to slumber. today was a lazy one until midafternoon. i got to see thomas working the pallets at the quinpool superstore. i hadn't seen him for a few months, so this was fantastic. i really wanted a litre of soynog, but decided to hold off until nearer to _mas. i haven't decided if i've picked the best or worst time to once again cut sugar from my diet. (emotions say you're a big jerk and i hate you, give me my sweet white crack. body says you're a tool for not doing this sooner. please-- no more crack or i will knot your bowels and you'll cry forveva!)

blake and i hung tight this afternoon and watched about half (blake had to leave to watch alfie of all movies) of the movie soylent green, which so far is supremely amusing and intriguing. we're eager to watch the end of it tomorrow, altho chris already revealed (read: ruined) a crucial part. if we'd not been stoned perhaps we'd've been able to see it coming. after he left, i decided i needed (not wanted) to take the bus to the mall and buy some black thread with which to repair some pants, a decent vegetable peeler to peel the two enormous pumpkins my parents brought me from the country, and a pair of pants, as i don't fit into any of the ones that i have. so i got to the bus stop, collected myself and took note of the mood i was in which was shittypissyfucked-- an asshole mood to be in at the nall, so i turned around and walked home, then to canadian tire where i didn't find a suitable peeler. at home i decided it best to forgo trying to write my article or seek someone to hang out with, and rather spend time by myself. i was in serious need of some emotional catching up, so catching up is what i did. i spun :wumpscut: and vomitted emotionally into journal #51 for a good while, letting myself drip, daydream and reminisce as necessary. i feel a fuck of a lot better, the details are more sorted/sordid. dad called tonight. he has ESP and i swear he knows when i want to talk the least and calls then. it's cool when he calls and i am pissy because he can handle it (and therefore i make no effort to stop sounding hateful), but it brings momma down so i always have to play joyful. dad called because he had some advice on me becoming a multimillionaire. altho that sounds splendid and all, becoming a multimillionaire isn't something that's pressing for me today, and i told him i'd rather live it up now than have millions of dollars when i'm so old i can't even go an hour without pissing myself. ok, i'm just being negative-- so what else is new? actually, i've been doing fairly well-- i just got smoked with a tidal melancholy wave tonight. so i made some red lentil soup and blogged an oldfashioned blog and after the rest of my emotional sorting, i feel a bit like a multimillionaire. dad would be proud. oh, and i found and old dirty loonie tonight by kicking it and hearing the clink. i was fucking overjoyed. maybe i'll squirrel it away for safe keeping, and buy a ball of yarn with it when i'm 80.

c'mon! 

c'mon!

last night at the attic was a metlin' good time. thanks for eventually conceding to let me in, by the way. i'm actually kind of susprised (see: not letting me in this summer-- refusing me with my own ID). drank a pile o' whisky (to add to the few i had before leaving the house). there were two metal bands: from lunenburg county (chaotic roots) and saint john in the nb (hollow), both of which were pretty decent. and then c'mon, who were amazing. an ian blurton band with katielynn, hotness of nashville pussy fame, and a dude named randy. i was really inuit, and rocked out in the front row, allowing me to touch katielynn's back and have ian blurton's crotch in my face. i don't go way back musically with ian blurton-- only to bionic, who i was pretty into when i saw-- but now he's out. and katielynn (who reminds me of my best friend jane from elementary school-- but if she wasn't a religiously repressed housewife, and say, instead was a bass-wielding rock goddess) is also done with nashville pussy (shit!) they are committed to c'mon, which excites me greatly. apparently they'll probably be swinging thru again in the spring, and are releasing an album at the end o' the month. i hung out with randy (who provided me with some water that the attic just won't give), the drummer for a lengthy stint, but i didn't go back to his hotel room as per his wishes. he was a good fella and all, but, uh, i wasn't inuit. c'mon, check 'em out! oh yeah, and choke played, but i wasn't to into caring. tight, but not my scene.

and i watched the simpson's treehouse of horror XV tonight, which was a fairly strong effort, and pretty amusing, as usual.

R E S C U E M E! 

rockin' the ____

spent the day in the apothecary, coming out only for sips of water and a tub of tofu. rocked to classic rock and something cuban (hello halifax!!). the evening promised something, as grampa and FNMS were working, as well as bremily's other half. lots of amusing banter and pretending to be working while we were mostly eating (bananas, greens bars, and for me-- well-- pastry). all was well as could be until my least favourite customer walked in and asked for selenium-- which made me remember who this asseater was from the getgo. he's a fuckwad whose teenage daughter had to issue an aplology because she felt so badly for me at the way he treated me a few months ago. since, he has told two different employees on separate occassions that he's surprised that in a health food store the employees would all be overweight and unhealthy-looking. i don't think any of my co-workers are representative of this description, and even if so, what a fuckface to say it outloud. i was infuriated enough when he said it to the last girl, and now it's personal when he says this after dealing mostly with me. if he comes back, bond is totally banning him from the store. his ass is grass.
and some rescue remedy, l-theanine, ganj, yerba mate and rock music later, i am ok, swell, in fact the antithesis of how i was feeling a couple of hours ago. i may tho still go with my horoscope's advice today and lay lower than higher tonight. and bro and i had a few ideas, which makes me feel better better best yet. bigupyaself!

the blog that shouldn't be

screw me sleeping a lot tonight, but i had a lot of energy to burn--eating cookies and french fries, see, and flapping my gums on the phone-- one of my least favourite things, but one of those things that i end up doing a lot because not everyone can be here with me when i want them to (which is rotten).

since my last blog entry i've: bitten into a glass vial, done my dishes twice, been visited at random times by my landlord who has taken like 10 hours to far to change two stove elements, tried to change the fuses downstairs, been told two funny jokes (ha! ha! x 1500), made a huge batch of cancerfighting herbal tea, made a small batch of unimpressive cookies in my toaster oven having forgotten that maybe my oven would work, eaten lots of junk and lots of healthy food, badmouthed my "industry," chilled avec ma frere, watched a less-than-amazing movie (sorry, you're amazing-- but we're not taking any more of your movie recommendations), worn a green clay mask, smoked, been tasteless, called my parents, called g's mom a bitch, was offered an article in the senior's advocate, bought a book i'd never heard of instead of cds i'd been sharvin' for, sat in disbelief that you-know-who had won you-know-what, spilled my heart to the guy who cleans the store, looked at my credit card bill and was surprised that there was actually a charge, got off, read my horoscope which didn't suggest that i get myself off, etc.

so tonight i found out a friend of a dear friend killed herself. my dear friend asked me to do something interesting tonight so we'd have shit to gossip about in the morn. i suspect this will be more than adequate. i can't quite top this, nor would i want to. so after a string of unrelated calls, i go online and realize that i, no surprise, have a death-related msn tag-- "baby, join me in death," which i had recently replaced, "die die die my darlin" and "celia fate" with. i tried to think of a tag that wasn't dark or death related, and i kept coming up with more death-related ones. i, of course, could think of nothing but so i ended up with the dumbest tag, "like a stone" which is simply an audioslave song. and i hate this name, and i will rub the matchsticks in my noggin together to represent with something a tad more interesting.

so i've been desperately wanting to go out for the last two nights-- energy abound--- but no. i have plans for tomorrow at the marquee (the arcade fire, the organ, wax mannequins, the holy shroud) and saturday at the attic (chaotic roots, c'mon, hollow, choke). i have a date for tomorrow night, but not saturday. anyone? lotsa good metal.

i have two jokes, someday soon you'll hear them.

paycheck tomorrow. hello pants without rips in them and more music (shows and cds), and oh, whisky.

blog the vote, again

today will be nervewracking. so nervewracking. there's not even much point in staying up to watch the results-- as they won't likely be in for a couple of weeks if 2000's vote has showed us anything. they've already had fuckloads of trouble in florida (yes, florida), including losing ballots and people not being able to vote properly because they can only show up at one polling station, which apparently wasn't made clear to them or something. i heard this on the radio this morning, sorry for incoherent/incomplete details. fuck these electrontronic voting systems! and teach people how to vote. christallmighty! gods and godesses, especially those of justice and peace, please guide undecided voters and republicans to the left (the right). and for the rest of us, check out the blogs of two most political boys: bruthablog and lycrablog.

'nuff said! 

happy new month, happy post-hallowe'en (i hate how it's over)

my dad would've said "happy new month" if he'd spoken to me today. it always seemed so dorky that it annoyed me, but now i want to say it to everyone. but today, i said it to nobody (altho i thought about it all day).

today's biggest accomplishments were getting up early (thanks to my brother's coworkers), getting a combined 11 hours of sleep (that includes last night's 8! wahoo!), and doing laundry (props to g for carrying it).

also, went to a boyfriend exorcism-- my first. there were no religious figures or holy water or chanting-- only horror stories of boyfriends past. there was a point where we all kind of said, yeah, such and such a thing-- that's horrible-- then realized we'd all done said bad thing. sigh. ha. thanks, crys for the wine, and the times.

so many months of nights of not going to bed until 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 in the am and getting up a few hours later has finally caught up with me (yeah, you can say i told you so). i seem to be able to cope on a mental and physical level, but i suppose my organ systems would tell a different story. and it's not so beneficial for my bowels. they need a lot of time to heal. and not so good for my immune system. so i got a little cold, and have been taking the usual (altho toned down by hallowe'en, a marked improvement and sheer laziness) cold-fighting protocol of natural remedies. i tried a new one this time-- a chinese remedy, yin chiao), and a homeopathic-- corzalyia. they've been helpful, and now all i have is a little cough and a bit of a stuffy nose. not such a big deal.

i was at my worst, tho, on devil's night, the first day of my cold. i felt like absolute ass and sneezed the whole way thru the kid baron show, which was mega-annoying and sucky and tiring (not the show, but the sneezing). the cool thing about khyber shows is that they begin more or less on time and end early because of whatever liquor lisence they have. so we were out of there by 1:30. we did, tho, have to stand in line at reflections forever. the lineup was ridiculous. if it wasn't hallowe'en and/or i wasn't meeting my brother, i would've lost my patience long before i did. we ended up not finding him for a long time, but danced to a like 15-minute version of c+c's "everybody dance now" to fill in time. saw an old high school friend who went on about how he was evolving and how he was surprising the world with who he was and shit, and i brushed him off, said yeah, cool, whatever, and realized a couple of minutes later that he was trying to tell me he was gay. the ultimate clue was him dancing hotly with a boy dressed as adam (yes-- the beginning of christian time adam). i let adam ahead of me in line in the ladies' washroom for some reason, and i held his apple while he peed. he kissed me. the bathroom at reflections is fun because you never know who will be in there-- there's always a boy, and usually a couple of girls in a stall together-- at least.... so then we found blake, just as we were about to leave. he handcuffed me and said the key was at home-- which may have meant i was to stay over at joey's-- but i ended up not at joey's. i walked home in the dim daylight and got precious few hours of sleep before i failed to rise at the proper time (no, not early because of daylight savings), despite trying to set three alarms. nathan called 40 minutes after the store opened, and altho i was feeling as tho dipped in hell, i decided it'd be quicker to throw some more fresh blood, pallor and mud on me, and get out the door that to scrape the remnants off. i tied for first place costume at work. $20 worth of free groceries is great for showing up muddy, bloody and half asleep for work and throwing herbs in a jar. after work, i felt more rundown than i have in ages, and so ran myself a rare bath, lit some candles, threw in some epsom salts and eucalptus oil almost fell asleep. tried to scrub off the dried blood that didn't rub off in my brother's bed (sorry). hallowe'en itself was kind of a bust. greg couldn't find raisins for me at the superstore, and i think i recycled the 70 or so comics i was planning on giving out, i cancelled hallowe'en giving this year. sorry 'hood kids. i also didn't get to the metal show at the pavillion (i wouldve passed out, i'm sure), or goth night (apparently the goth night to end all goth nights is the hallowe'en edition). but saturday about made up for it, that and hallowe'en at work, which was pretty awes, especially as we listed all the strange cutsomers we could dress up as for hallowe'en next year.

every day is (or i wish it was) hallowe'en.