in the mouth of madness

you have to get yourself off before you walk to work even tho you're running late. you shake like a cardigan'd man in a hardwood apartment all afternoon. puke in your mouth all night. you know who you are when you get what you asked for and you're wrong. it's not as you like it. and you're better off without. paper lanterns have the potential to beat peaks of boredom. eat my wish. make my other one come true. surprise me and make me wrong. eat my fuck. die. put me under opposite house arrest. put my organs somewhere else.

when will i get my period?*

someday your vagina will drip blood. and you will be fertile. and have to plug your vag or put something under your fleshy rouge tap to catch the leak. you may be plagued with PMS, with stained panties, and your brother making fun of tampons. you won't be able to have sex without getting blood everywhere, yet you'll probably sharve for sex even more. you will feel dirty. sexy. mad. it will last for forty years or something. bleeding's end will be hell unless you eat soy. you will tell your mom you're going on the pill to control aunt flo. but really you're on the fuck. your mom will give you a pamphlet about your changing body. maybe she'll take you out for pizza for becoming a woman. or give you pearl earrings. or hug you. or hit you. or tell you stories about teen pregnancy that will scar you or inspire you or that you will turn into. whatever you do don't worry if it hasn't come yet. it will come to you in time. unexpected. at school while wearing white pants (after labour day! gasp!) at church. while you're touching yourself. in your sleep. you're not dying-- you're becoming a woman. in some countries you're sent away to a hut-- you: the unclean. enjoy the days of the clean vagina. of the fearless fuck. of the days of childhood dreams that you'll fuck away. you'll be 8. you'll be 18. you'll get it sometime. don't be hasty. get off the net and spemd the entire day reading anne of green gables under a shady tree and remember back on this day when the world asks too much of you.
*this question is probaby the single-most queried by (presumably) girls who end up here at my period. here's an answer for all the curious youngsters who'd rather ask the internet than their mothers, and whose teachers have not addressed it at school.
$$$ all this and i'm not even menstruating.

clean as a whistle

i'm officially void of all blood-borne and bodily fluids-borne STDs. i'm also not surprised, because i do it the safe way. but i am clean. and this is awesome. so go get tested.