how ya gonna spend your energy?

digesting.

yes, and that's how i always dreamed it would happen (nope).

hey, so, wanna go out and play scoops tonight?

naw, i'm digesting my food, so i can't really do anything right now.

yeah, that's also why i'm quiet and freezing cold. my body needs all the energy it can get. it even needs the energy i use to read. that's why i have to put my book down after a half hour and if i don't fall asleep-- just kind of konk out into a state of uselessness.

i was thinking of lots of clever things to write all day, but i don't have the energy. i still have to write in my paper journal.

so here i am, with three layers on, plus a blanket, slippers and a heating pad on my abdomen, sipping cool water out of my kool-aid cup. this is nearly as comfortable as i can get, aside from having my belly rubbed and sleeping on my left side with a pillow between my knees. and i stress: sleeping. and normally when i wake up, i am say 80% better. and i have my lunch packed for my stupid course tomorrow (which i will need to wear a skirt to probably, because i am swole) but i don't know it i will eat it. maybe just rice. it tends to be ok.

so, a couple of days ago, i gave out two awards. one of them, i would like to revoke, and i am also here to present another.

1) i gave you an award for ignoring me. well, i haven't seen you on the street since that day, but since you were so affable when i was in the store today, i revoke it-- conditionally. i can only hope that you will be forced to speak to me just because of my connection to the store and its employees-- both in the past and in the future. you have a role to fill, dude. and you even made reference to me being there the other night. and i liked that. it sucks that you have a cold. sorry to hear that. i wish i had've gotten to talk to you more, and would've told you the cold's-ass-kicking regime that always gets me thru. until then, dude, you have your reward revoked. keep up the good behaviour. and it's fucked how tall you look in your uniform. i didn't notice as you cowered and scurried away on the street all those times.

2) to the other employee who shares the name as the first:

sorry i couldn't find the yoga mat for you that day. but you got a cooler one. you are a most helpful and friendly employee. i remember you checking all the return boxes to find a movie for me once. that was going beyond your call of duty. you always do. and tonight-- giving me margaret cho-- revolution for free-- now that was amazing. i thought the days of hookups had ended long ago. and you didn't even hear me telling your co-worker about the shitty time i had at your competition just that evening. goodfellas you are.

you don't know it yet-- but you've earned yourselves some baked goods.

and to my neighbours up above: i am glad to hear of your amazing sex life. frequently. you made my computer monitor shake last night, to the point of distraction. above all, i hope that you also like each other when you're not fucking. it's all too often that couples have either one or the other.