white panties are for pansies

white underwear is a stupid idea. perhaps prissy ladies like them so they have something to scrub when they're bored and miserable, and so when they look at their clean white panties, they can be falsely reminded that they don't actually excrete anything from their chaste, pristine bodies. but guess what? the rest of us excrete-- and most feces, piss, menstrual blood, vaginal secretions and normal ol' sweat generally isn't white. even cum may be white-- but the shit stains. and sometimes some of those excretions make their way onto our undergarmets. so, here is a tip for all you underwear manufacturers who package white underwear with cool darker colours: don't fucking do it. make white packs. make mixed packs-- but don't make me buy your white panties-- or i'll fucking mail them back to you once i've been wearing them awhile (and i don't have time to fucking scrub them).

a little sci-fi FOR YA.

every time i see an online personality quiz such as this one, i tell myself i'm not going to do it-- i'm not going to waste my precious time on something that doesn't really matter or change my life significantly. and then i take the quiz. what does this say about my personality? i also abhor being categorized, yet love to categorize myself. sigh. anyway, i'm very pleased with the following quiz results:

You scored as FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files). You are part of a super secret section of the FBI. You also have the very cool status of �Special Agent�. You believe in many conspiracies and know the government is covering up way too much. Now if only you could the Cigarette Smoking Man to stop providing you with the second-hand smoke. FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 94% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 94% Moya (Farscape) 94% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 88% Serenity (Firefly) 88% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 81% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 75% SG-1 (Stargate) 75% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 69% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 63% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 50% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 50% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

the truth about bean

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Bean!

1. In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Bean in your mouth.
2. If you lick Bean ten times, you will consume one calorie.
3. Bean can't sweat!
4. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's Bean supply.
5. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same Bean!
6. Bean can't drink - she absorbs water from her surroundings by osmosis.
7. The opposite sides of Bean always add up to seven.
8. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than Bean, and 400 times smaller.
9. You should always open Bean at least an hour before drinking her.
10. The pupil of an octopus's eye is shaped like Bean.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

dear valentine,

dear valentine,
you had it so fucking good. you fucked up.

dear valentine,
i'm glad we didn't get married (i'm prettier than your wife).

dear valentine,
i wish i'd popped your cherry.

dear valentine,
tell the neighbours i'm not sorry.

dear valentine,
you must be so unhappy.

dear valentine,
never again.

dear valentine,
if that's what you call love, you can have it back.

dear valentine,
i was the right choice.

dear valentine,
it was only because we were drunk.

dear valentine,
you could be mine
but you're way out of line.

dear valentine,
my heart is a whore.

help me obi-wan kenobi,
you're my only hope.

dear crown royal,
happy valentine's day.

love,
bean

everybody eats (except for actresses)

if you haven't already, please let me know what you'd eat if you could eat anything every day for the rest of your life. while you're at it, let my brother know what you'd eat for your last meal.

and

chocolate chip muffins and carrots and potatoes and tofu and almond milk and strawberry soymilk and books and pens and laundry and crowds and a phone ringing and nothing and sweet leaf and nothing and fucking cold and talking to asia and tea and chai and banana and rice protein and staring and nothing and nothing is something and getting off and an all ages show and whisky and warm apple pie and cardigans and jackyl and b vitamins and rescue remedy and bowel healing and nothing and being inside.

here's some more useless drivel for your pile

the world is overwhelming. it's different than it used to be. to the perceptive and compassionate, i give props to those of you who are balanced enough to handle it-- to wake up, get your ass ready and walk out into the world. it's often quite difficult. today i had to try it a few times. even when there's nothing specifically wrong in one's life, paying attention to your surroundings and knowing how to brave it is tough. and to those who can't quite make it out the door, or those who don't go about it the conventional way, i hope everyone else can try to understand you or commend your effort. today the shit is numerous-- there's too much of everything in our part of the world-- too many bands, too many razors, too many wars, too many pairs of shoes, too many career choices and too much information in general. most days i abhor technology and resent the information age. i'd love to receive more letters. i'd be content to pay with cash, not plastic. i'd be just as happy to have to go to a libary and look something up, or be content to not know all the useless shit we google (or wiki) to fill up our time and minds and hearts with pointless facts to impress or to comfort or to procrastinate. it's cool if you just really truly want to know, but i know i wouldn't've walked to the library as often as i use google. it's what we're used to and what's expected of us. i'm trying to strike a balance, to find a comfort zone, but i do find it overwhelming and frightening and negative. we have many more choices and it's fucked to have to wade thru all the shit to find the right thing or the one that makes the most sense. some days it's tough to see it in a shiny light. sometimes things get too shiny and we make a mask to hide away and then it cracks. it's hard to know. i am okay-- i'm just sayin.' this has been the theme of the day.

happy birthday oral sex

happy birthday, professor (and also to axl rose).
on this day last year, i was initially interested and then bitter and devestated as i eavesdropped on a stranger's adoption story.
p.s. please comment on the post below about your favourite food.

if you could eat anything every day for the rest of your life....

if you could eat any food (or any combination thereof) every day for the rest of your life, without being hampered by its nutritional value or how it made you feel physically, what would it be? this food would have to be eaten every day, but you'd also be allowed to eat whatever else you'd want.

wiki me this

wikipedia is the new google. it takes you straight to something relevant, complete, and without commecial influence. the information is always helpful. if not, all the more inspiration to expand a stub article. looking something up on wikipedia needs a verb like google (ex. i googled "fucking machine" and it brought me to my period). i propose, "to wiki," with the preferable usage being, "wiki me this..." Wikipedia seems to think that "To search for information on a topic in the Wikipedia online encyclopedia" should be called wikipediaed, as in, "I wikipediaed the article on science and learned about the scientific method." now isn't that a little cumbersome? isn't wiki much more consice, while still being infinitely clear? now i do realize that "wiki" is already a word (A wiki (IPA: [ˈwiː.kiː] or [ˈwɪ.kiː] (according to Ward Cunningham) is a type of website that allows users to easily add and edit content and is especially suited for collaborative writing), thus "wikipedia." but i think it can still work. mug is both a noun and a verb (altho they refer to different things, sure). long live wikipedia. i discovered how to clean (and even make) a bong, they have an extensive and always immediately updated stephen colbert episode guide, and even an entire star trek wikipedia site. they have everything. i am inuit. i have a pulldown wikipedia search engine on my browser. using google is doing it "the old fashioned way." wiki is much better. it is the future. donate $$ to them if you have it. free learnin' for all. yar.