what goodpie taught me + mouse update

a) last night i went to a goodpie party (pie-themed goodbye party). i was too much of a chump (read: busy seeing my lover off, disorganized) to take a pie myself, but there were six pies there (three of which i got to try, one of which was a repeat, and one that was all gone). it was awesome to eat pie. was awesome to hang with a bunch of cool cats who weren't assholes- most of whom i don't know that well. in any case, it got me to thinking how i hadn't eaten a decent meal in a good many days. consequently, i feel like shit-ass today. everyone's got their weakness-- whether it's an impairment either physical or mental or emotional, or something awful to overcome. mine's (among other things, i suppose), rotten bowels. most of you know this about me. every crumb i put into my mouth (or splash if in liquid form) affects me in an immediate (and normally hideous) way. sometimes even carrots make me sick. and apples. and tomatoes. anyway, my body's seriously protestin' thangs today (by not working, feeling swole, cementile, hurting and allowing me an energy level of 2/10), and i had no choice but to come home after a day of little to eat, chlorinated water to drink and a house full of dirty dishes, mouse shit and fruit flies to my own house full of dirty dishes, mouse shit and fruit flies with no choice but to suck it up and do the necessary: wash a fuckoload of dishes and make a hot meal. i chose a fave staple: brown rice cooked for an hour and steamed kale with the usual trimmings. maybe i'll have some tofu later, but for now, it's hot complex carbs i need. chewing is fucking awesome. fuck, this is good.

b) i also bought a mouse scream-alarm which is a little 30$ machine that half-heartedly promises to scare mice away with high-pitched squealing that only small rodents can hear. it's supposed to take between 2-8 weeks. whatever. it's better than a) being carried away in my sleep by thousands of mice to some hugeass northend or waterfront lair/nest or b) killing them, because i just can't bring myself to do it. anyway, we'll see. i haven't seen a mouse yet tonight (ok, so it's only 6:36pm, but those pricks have certainly shown themselves during the day. i think they're evolving to be diurnal).

c) at the party last night, i found out someone i met that night (who seems lovely) is going to live in my old house on yukon. i was relieved to find that it's not being lived in by a stranger, jealous that it's not me (i fucking love that awesome, mouseless place) and weirded out by my having to hold back a million questions for her about how she likes the house (yet she hasn't even moved in). see, for me, i've not lived in many houses. that house was my home (and really was) for three years. i miss it and wish i were there and strongly dislike this house but have to live with it. but i love this neighbourhood because the neighbours say hi and it's generally fucking rockin'. anyway, sorry to pester you about your new house. i won't stalk you or your house as someone suggested last night. i'm glad my home went to a good home.

pessimism works!

i'm mostly a pessimist. i probably represent in the following order:

pessimist

realist

idealist

optimist

i'm a pessimist because i'm also a realist, and reality shows me that shit doesn't often happen the way i want it to. so, i might as well expect the worst. why? because if i expect the best and the worst happens, i'll be disapointed-- and i fucking hate to be disapointed. so, if i'm pessmistic and good shit happens, i'm willing to face the fact that i was wrong in my expectations and rejoice in goodness happening. either way, i win. it even worked for me in the beginning of my (unregistered) business. i thought, "what the fuck, i might as well sell my fab product. someone will probably buy it." i expected to sell maybe 24 each week and make a little extra cash. i ended up selling more than 4 times this. while i sometimes curse my newfound/pessimism-born fortune because i'd rather sleep/read/go to rock shows/fuck/stare at a wall-- duty calls: and i'm fabulously happy with the turnout. if i'd thought i could sell more than 100 per week, i might not've begun because it would've seemed like too much work. what works? pessmisism. pessmimism works. now i won't knock optimism, it has its time and its place. like when you're trying to heal or when you're jumping out of a plane or when the condom breaks.* i used to be an idealist, and it depressed me and made me take life too seriously and got me into all sorts of fucking shitty trouble. but sometimes it feels good, so i do it. fantasyland can be a fun time-- but it doesn't get shit done. that's why, as a general rule, i vote for pessimism. it works for me!

*if the condom breaks, further action must be taken. my period takes no responsibility for unwanted pregnancies such as the one that resulted in my birth.

maynard in the niiiiite!

maynard in hell

choice eating

top 5 most-beloved foods according to where i keep them:

cupboards/laying around
1. brown rice
2. bananas
3. rye krisps
4. raisins
5. onions

fridge
1. tofu
2. kale
3. soydogs
4. olives
5. soymilk

condiments
1. bragg's liquid aminos
2. tahini
3. pesto
4. soy mayo
5. ketchup

drinks
1. soymilk (deserves a second mention)
2. yerba mate
3. greens
4. whisky
5. water

freezer
1. kamut bread
2. blueberries
3. ice cubes
4. tempeh
5. corn tortillas

you?

sometimes i'm so high

it's feeling like autumn. hard nipples in the morning. feet in need of nana's slippers. bothering to make breakfast: a hot cereal, perhaps. hoodies in the evening. the breeze makes me want to find a denser book and a mug of tea; three quilts and to stay in bed longer in the morn. summer's not eroded, but fall is showing its neck. i'm totally listening to gossip right now (i already knew it all). bon nuit.

...cause baby, baby i was born to quilt

a nice harbour hopper patron allowed me to photograph her cool tattoo. dig it. p.s. the harbour hopper was fun today-- thanks to booster juice, attila, jonesy, kelly and j.w.

please HRM, no dumping!

a cute sign placed beside a sewer grate in the grand parade. nice going, HRM-- but you might as well place one beside each of our toilets.

arachnophobia, anyone?

by special request, heeeeeeere's spidey!

spiders get me off

a cool-ass spider web by maven's house.

shit you don't see when you stay inside

today marked our third lake visit-- this time an impromptu one. it was hot as fuck and the lake was perfectly cool. lots of blue dragonflies fucking, fewer blueberries than last time and two mating loons. they were doing lots of crazy shit, so loud and large that they interrupted my...yeah. anyway-- thanks for ruining the moment, mating loons!

here's hoping the imaginations of the world haven't entirely collapsed

something whispered to me during foreplay last night was potentially one of the best things i've heard. i can only hope it didn't come from maxim magazine or the men's issue of cosmo.

zucchini power!

you're looking at the blossom and sex organ(s) of our zucchini plant. ain't it pretty? she's a sexy blossom and soon she'll give birth (with any luck) to a fine zucchini progeny. i'm pleased as punch. i drempt about zucchini last night.

brought to you by procrastination

Big Five Word Test Results

Extroversion (70%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. Accommodation (67%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (44%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Emotional Stability (72%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (75%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take'>http://similarminds.com/big-5-word-pair.html">Take Free Big Five Word Choice Test
personality'>http://similarminds.com/">personality tests by similarminds.com

interfuckingesting.

i'm both-brained?

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (48%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (46%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are'>http://similarminds.com/brain.html">Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality/'>http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com

what the hell? i'm fairly balanced? that the christ is this all about?

take the test. what are your results?

mofo sand fortress

here's a corner of the sand fortress we ran out to build last week when we realized the tide'd be hitting it in about 40 minutes and it was our last chance. here, the northumberland straight is getting the best of our moat.

go away, i'm eating my feces-- i mean burger

here's north carolina's mareb morgan mowing down on some crap piece of mcdonald's pseudo-edible garbageo. doesn't she look pretty? and comfortable? and sensible? and happy? i am happy for her that she's losing weight, i'm just not so proud of her for her chosen method. read on...

supersize my brain-- PLEASE, pleads mareb morgan

many were inspired by morgan spurlock's film "supersize me." i was so in my element watching that film-- hating fast food, having similar creds as the director's (arguably bitchy) vegan nutritionist girlfriend and working in the health food industry for the last five years. being the health food whore and fast food hater that i am, i managed lots of "yeah i knew that, of course! i wish everyone knew that"s, "yeah i know that health guru-- he's awesome,"s and "yeah i can't believe anyone can eat like that"s. i was already on the fast food nopenope train, but others, like lycradog were inspired to eat better, and have (bravo!). some, however, missed the boat entirely. merab morgan, feeling that spurlock had unfairly attacked mcdonald's "food", insulted the overweight by assuming they couldn't resist upping a fast food size for a few pennies, as well as supposedly not having the time to make healthy or low-calorie meals, decided to embark on her own health-massacre by choosing mcdonald's "food" for all of her meals for three months in order to lose weight. the result: she's an idiot-- i mean-- she's lost 37 pounds already.

ok, so here's the biggest dumbest point: like jared, everyone's least favourite not-so-fatty, all morgan is doing is counting calories and eating less than she used to. this is a proven method of weight loss. nobody could argue this. if you eat less, you will lose weight. if you exercise, you'll lose even more. why this method isn't so popular anymore: a) it's not fun at all b) it's difficult c) it's not fun at all d) people are greedy e) it's not fun at all f) usually people crack and eventualy don't want to do it anymore, therefore piling all their weight back on g) it's not fun at all. h) people are looking for a quick fix.

i agree that people should consider the amount of calories they're consuming, but if you're maintaining a healthy weight, you're obviously on top of things. what morgan must not have remembered from spurlock's documentary, is that spurlock's blood showed some pretty horrendous results: his blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels and blood pressure skyrocketed; he grew excessively tired and suffered frequent headaches; he lost his sex drive and the performance ability; and his liver filled with fat because he had so much fat and sugar in his blood. he also vomitted after several of his meals.

honey, oh honey, oh HONEY, did you forget this part? morgan admits to hoping she becomes mcdonalds' next jaredesque skinnyspokesbitch, and this is certainly no excuse. you may be losing weight, because that's what happens on a calorie-reduced diet, but this still says nothing about the nutritional value of mcdonald's "food" or the willpower of your fellow fatties. guess what? we weren't meant to eat in our cars in five minutes or less. how can this feel right? sometimes this is almost necessary because sometimes we're in a rush-- but it makesme vomit to think this is how some people prefer it, or that this is the way some of us are living. take a look at yourselves. slow down.

now here's my advice to you, miss morgan: take the lesson you learned while discovering that a calorie-reduced diet works, and apply it to something healthy. consider that: you can cook meals ahead of time (say when you're at home watching countless hours of television) and refrigerate and freeze them, salad doesn't need cooking, most vegetables take less than ten minutes to cook by steaming meat is disgusting and unnecessary. also, you'd better look for red yeast rice, fibre and fish oil pretty fucking quickly so your cholesterol doesn't give you an aneurysm or some shit.

and check this:

Dawn Jackson Blatner, a registered dietitian and spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association, agreed that a low-calorie, McDonald’s-only diet can help people lose weight but said it may not offer enough long-term variety. Whatever an individual does to lose weight, they need to do for the rest of their life, she said.

ok, what? this dietitian's complaint is that a mcdonald's diet doesn't offer enought long-term variety? what the flying FUCK? neither does the diet of most north americans-- in fact i hear customers complain almost daily that their diet isn't varied enough. so fucking vary it, motherfuckers. and seriously-- variety is the least of my concerns with someone going on a three-month publicity-whore weight loss diet. shouldn't it be yours, merab morgan? how does this dietitian not comment on the complete and utter stupidity and riskiness of morgan's diet? or did she, and the good folks at the associated press just decide to ditch this? the worst thing it, most people would probably read this and still not consider what a terrible weight loss program morgan has chosen. they might try it themselves-- especially if they haven't seen or heard much about spurlock's supersize me. and whatever, i guess-- they're entitled. it's just too bad-- too bad that people care way more about how they look outside than how they feel inside-- mostly because they care about how others see them, because they're not secure on the inside. yikes, no? anyway, there are better ways to lose weight and keep it off and feel well and have it last: a healthy diet and exercise. this is no secret-- so stop being such an idiot and go steam some greens before your heart explodes in your childrens' faces! gawd!

an open letter to blog comment spammers

dear blog comment spammer,

why oh why are you so desperate? what makes you think that i or my readers want to know about loans or the timber industry or "great" websites? has it not occurred to you that now i'd be less likely to check it out, just like when those shit scooters zip around the city and park for hours for no reason with some stupidass cellphone ad being hauled behind it in a trailer?. d'you really think... oh never mind! you obviously have no idea. but just so you know, i'll get right on it and delete every one of your comments-- whether you promise to add me to your favoUrites or not. and i won't sink to your level and try to advertise my ass on your shitty blog. but seriously: who wants to read a blog about loans? not to toot my own horn, but i can guarantee that even my dullest entry is more exciting than a blog about loans. or the timber industry. or.... i'm getting carried away. just stop spamming: it's desperate and impolite. eff off. go to hell and die.

love,

beany

have you seen this slipper?

another photo from andy's dummies, an amazing attraction very close to my cottage. it's an absolute must-see. i'll post more about this later, but for now, enjoy this photo which potentially gives you a pretty clear idea of what andy's is about. the horse photo below was also taken at andy's dummies. in particular, pay attention to the "have you seen this slipper" signs and the "say cheese or better bananas..." signs. they are goldy gold gold.

i've been horsing around all day: ya know man, i'm pooped

a serious quickie, just to let you know i'm back from the cottage.

what it's like to have a metal bowl large enough to bathe in, and to smell a freshly opened 10kg bucket of almond butter:

fucking awesome.

minion diving

admittedly not near as good as anal visitor centre, i couldn't resist attempting to capture "minion diving." it kind of sucks because i couldn't get up high enough, but whatev. here it is-- now DIVE, my minions-- ehhahahaheheevilhahoooheheeeeeiii!

i want to visit the...

strange hieroglyph found on dartmouth shoreline

a fan travels to dartmouth

a lot of you hate dartmouth, are afraid of dartmouth or think dartmouth is dumb and boring. i don't. i've been a fan, albeit not a frequent visitor of halifax's twin city. i like to watch dartmouth from the ferry, and not just because it's funny to see it get father and farther away from me. there's nothing (or almost nothing) wrong with dartmouth. i wouldn't want to live there, but it's a great place to visit-- kind of like toronto but on the other side of exciting. dartmouth has a slower pace, some awesome stores, and if you get deep enough in you can forget you're in the city. the dartmouth i'm familiar with is the dartmouth near the ferry: fisher's stationary, the waterfront, the alderney gate library, value village, salvation army. this is good enough. this is my dartmouth perspective. so maven and i spent a few hours there today. scored a couple of decent shirts, a DC adaptor for the casio (which didn't fucking work), a mug, three pens and some vinyl lettering at fisher's. maven found a raincoat and a pair of wristguards. boom! we chilled by the waterfront, went down by the shore for some photo ops. we got a few good ones, and we saw two otters, which was rad, as i've never seen them before. and dartmouth was swell because it wasn't loud or obnoxious like the halifax waterfront during peak tourist season, especially during buskerfest. dartmouth's waterfront was pretty but virtually vacant of peeps. dartmouth today was awesome.

stop in the name of nite!

a view from the balcony sometime in july. photo credit: maven.

here's a photo maven took. the hearts are for me. i'm lucky.

eye tin er airy

wake up. make out. eat cookie. shower. do it. shower again. run to work. be jittery and drop things. drink maté. take rescue remedy. calm down a bit. take maca. be jittery. have my brand new hot product sell out. curse it because i don't want to make more. come home. eat po supper. drop chocolate soymilk and not care. read the coast. resent making bars. listen to slayer's reign in blood three times and make bars while metlin'. fuck up but recover. enjoy making bars because i love metal and i love baking and i love licking the bowl. brother gets home. conquer dishes and plan a grand scheme: smoking then jogging then drinking. i can guess which one we'll probably skip.

spontaneous house party grows to fantastical proportions + being observant theoretically pays off

it all began with a dish date with my brother (we got them all done) and it morphed into a fest of beer and vodka and wine and reef and fried vegetarian bolgna with ketchup and faux tuna rolled in steamed swiss chard and chocolate soy milk and homemade oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies and a game of ratrace (li'l j won) and a casio keyboard dance party to the paula abdul demo. not bad. and i even got my laundry done today and had enough money for rent. and visited matlock and he had cookies and fine hospitality. in today's most tragic news in this house, my library books are overdue, and for no reason, as i live three minutes from north branch. 25 cents. fuck.

p.s. finally somebody saw me in the shower last weekend. so i'm ringing my hair out, looking out the bathroom window while standing in the shower, and dude walks by, looks up and says, "good morning," so i say, half-shocked, "hey, how's it goin'?," to which he replies, "good darlin', good." and continues to walk by, not staring at my tits or the nape of my neck, whichever he could see. but finally someone looked up and acknowledged me standing naked in the shower. and it wasn't creepy or awkward (like my brother's experience with the military dude). yes and yay.

mayosaucestyletypedressing naiseyishesquestuffthing

i found this in my fridge (and swore not to reveal the identity of its owner). check it: sauce style mayonnaise type dressing. that's four words and two steps away from actual mayonnnaise. what the fuck?

greens for supper forever + wet t-shirt contest

let's play a game. what does this image look like? (it was left on my shirt after i finished making a triple batch of bars)


the swiss chard is growing so christly high (or that shitty shed they're building beside charlie's is blocking its precious sunlight) that it's beginning to wilt. i guess it's obvious what i'm having for supper for a few days.

canopy of trees, gossip where we please

this is the canopy of trees under which i screamed blissfully yesterday afternoon.

we also swam, picked bluberries and spearmint.

this afternoon, surretti and i went to one world and ate tvp and rice and spinach and gossiped about everyone else because comparatively our lives are tame, or at least free mostly of scandal and tragedy. knock on wood. now i'm going to knitting club to knit myself a pair of cool fingerless gloves.

last year on this day, dilem and i went all out (like usual, but worse). this probably marked the beginning of our downfall.

some fine urban art near where we swam today