jack on, you'll get better results!

there's at least one little twat in this city with the audacity to seek out, purchase and even wear the same toque as me. my jack skellington hat. my very special jack hat. my 2004 personality toque. peter told me last winter that some little fucker had the same hat as me, and i looked for him all winter. i was frightened every minute that i'd see him and perhaps rip him to shreds-- either physically or emotionally or both or neither. i've often attempted to plan what i'd do or say. i get tongue-tied and distracted by pride and wrath. i'd so go to hell if there was one (lead the way)! nathan reported a recent jack hat twirp sighting-- mentioning that he was young and short with dark hair, and that his hat looked "newer" than mine, meaning, obviously, that he saw mine and bought it because he wanted to be cool like me. but how could he find it? it's ultra-rare and can only be found on ebay. i had to be reminded that i'm not the only one with access to ebay. so on monday i was pissed off and running around the city trying to scrounge up enough $ for rent because the corporation i worked for decided against paying me for christmas because they're assholes, when my ticker nearly halted at the site of a jack skellington toque on the back of a kid's head. the worst part was i'd been running around with 2003's "the coupon duck" personality toque in lieu of my beloved jack "i can't find a better 2005 toque" hat because i'd dumbly lost it in my own house. i knew i was being superirrational when i almost marched into wendy's and questioned the dude as to where he got his hat, checking it for distinguishing marks in the case that maybe he'd stolen it from the inside of my house. i was dehydrated, and if you know me well enough you know how i act when i become dehydrated. so anyway, according to description, this is a different kid with my jack hat. there are at least three of us. this city is too small. will i be forced to make like the days of coloured nail polish and marilyn manson shirts and stop donning it when the trend catches on? or will i continue sporting my jack hat with as much joy as ever, but with full plans to pounce and accuse? will i get over myself? on any given day, i get at least one compliment from a total stranger on the street about the coolness of my jack hat. it fills me with as much glee as it does with pride, because i know if i saw my hat and didn't own it, along with being filled with raging envy, i would be struck with immense giddiness that i saw my jack on a toque. if we brighten a gloomy day, jack and i have won our war. i've been offered money. i've had it ripped off my head. i've heard a group of young punks plotting to murder me to take my hat-- and they sounded serious. it's just a hat and i don't want to jinx it. it just makes me happy. sometimes when i'm sad, i'll wear it and look at us together in the mirror. this is hallowe'en this is hallowe'en hallowe'en hallowe'en hallowe'en hallowe'en. i've heard reports of sexual attraction to jack skellington. i wouldn't go this far. i wish he were my best friend. skeletons are far beyond awesome- especially ones with warm hearts and clear dogs. the amish banned buttons on their clothing because they didn't want to encourage pride with ornate buttons. i am so fucked to hell-- but probably not as much as you are.