if i have to shovel your litter one more time i'll hammer your teeth to dust

it snowed last night in halifax-- large, fluffy feel-good snowflakes. the kind of snowfall you wish for on christmas morning. just a couple of centimetres too, and none too windy, therefore not too cold. a beautiful night. enough snow, though, to require shovelling. you see, so far i've been able to get away without shovelling. no, not our driveway-- or sidewalk-- any and every driveway, sidewalk or "walkway" as dad used to call ours. you see, somehow i managed to shirk almost every outside chore ever asked of me. when i was a teenager, i played ditzy, "ah, i can't control this thing!" i'd say, referring to the lawn tractor as i veered all over the lawn making clusterfucked tracks. "ah! my friend's friend got his foot cut off using a push mower!" or just sit and look pissy, sad or sick, normally one of which i actually was. oh-- and "i'm allergic to grass and trees, as if i'm gonna mow the lawn." everyone else in my family was allergic too. i somehow evaded every duty except washing the car, which i enjoyed. but this morning, i shovelled the walkway. yup, i got up and just did it. it was pretty enjoyable, mostly because there wasn't much to shovel, but also because i felt like i was earning my allowance (fuck, i wish i still got allowance- $10 would be killer right now) and that i was a citizen of the city's north end-- one who contributes and stuff. in reality all i was doing was a) covering my ass in case somebody slipped and cracked their noggin open-- dude, i tried-- i shovelled and your clumsy ass fell anyway b) doing what i agreed to on my lease (i totally didn't notice it, i may have argued over that one) c) performing a duty REQUIRED of me by the city, not one that makes me a particularly good guy or anything. nevertheless, i strode to work across the wet, white commons with a puffy robin red breast about it. cheery was my middle effin' name until i was making my way past st. pat's high school and saw a wendy's cup flying high in the air and land with a depressingly hateful hollow waxed paper thud on the ice. motherFUCKER! i quickened my pace to catch a glimpse of the punk who not only littered, but made a christly display out of it. the jerk was mostly likely thinking, "ahdefawkin'cayyyassholeahmuhthuganahwonamounttanuthinsowhashuldahcayy." i saw the lousy hoodcrumb, but was too far away to do anything but scream from afar, which probably wouldn't've carried far enough consiering the midday traffic. if i'd've been closer, i'd've likely bombarded him with some empassioned rant about the environment and his place in it. i'd've tried to refrain from calling him a punk (which he decidely was not) or a sample of ignorance (which he surely was) and screaming at him and actually rather tried to level with him, trying to sound inspiring. this probably wouldn't've been slightly effective either, but what the h do you say? i mean, seriously. i haven't accosted a stranger for such a mishap in a long time. there should be more of it. let us begin. it's possible some people aren't aware of how much of a jerk they are. we should start telling them, but it's important always to have a positive suggestion of something the accused could do differently (read: better) the next time. for example, had i the opportunity to speak with this fellow, i would've suggested that he CARRY THE CUP TO THE GARBAGE INSIDE THE SCHOOL WHERE HE WAS GOING ANYWAY AND WHERE THERE WAS LIKELY A GARBAGE DIRECTLY INSIDE THE DOOR AS IN ALMOST EVERY PUBLIC BUILDING ESPECIALLY SCHOOLS YOU LAZY INCONSIDERATE ASSWAD! i suppose i've always been a stickler for solid waste management. i hate the misuse of it, it irks to nausea when people refuse to compost (ahem!mothernicholson!cough!), recycle (cough!keefeco!ahem!), or reuse (what'supkillinghtherainforest!masterrose!). no excuse is good enough. it's supposed to take an average of one extra minute per day to sort your waste rather than chuck it all in the same ugly black bag, and i say if you don't have that extra minute-- i'm speechless. i know you care, so show it. i dare you. dying mother earth dares you as you rape her in the mouth. i mightn't be so harsh, but us canadians produce more garbage per capita than any other country. yes, even THEM. let's stop this bullfuck and clean up after ourselves in the most effective manner possible. recycling's but a small part of what we can do. oh, so you can stop driving your cars too. walk. take a fucking bus. i don't care if the fare went up a quarter. they take pennies. (and i take donations)