turnip or die

i am fucked today-- my bowels are fucked. i'm trying to be better to them, altho i'm not sure what i did to make them so edgy/weak/active/bad. i cried because my turnip (actually rutabaga) was too white and all i wanted was turnip (actually rutabaga, but i hate calling them that!) it was decidedly a weak moment. so instead i steamed some carrots, potatoes and onion for supper and ate them with pesto and garlic. fucking amazing. not so long after, i took a bath which was one of the most fulfilling baths i've ever had. usually i get fidgetty and pissy and red and awful and need to get out. as i submerged my acidic, swollen body into the water infused with epsom salts and sprigs of jasmine, i sighed big and thanked the gods and goddesses that i could experience something so phenomenal when others don't even have clean water to drink. i sighed and moaned and got some pretty good effects on my voice with my ears below water. i almost dropped off to sleep. my heart rate slowed to a concerning pace. i curled up to the side of the old tub as if i were in bed. toss. turn. fuck-- i'm in water! i gathered the jasmine sprigs and put them in a pile on the edge of the tub so g doesn't yell at me. i wrapped up tightly post-bath, so i could sweat out the toxins let loose by the salt. as i sat on the bed and wrote with the heat on, my thighs felt as though they were on fire, my heartrate was still crawling and i felt nausea creep thru me briefly. i felt as though i'd just smoked a bowl and gotten myself off-- but i'd done neither-- just a bath. of course i have the house to myself, as blake is with keefeco and g is @ school as always. he is always there always always until 4 or more in the a.m. we are meshing better now, altho he gave me the dirtiest look this morning as i emerged three minutes late from the bathroom. "fuck, dude, such a dirty look." "i'm not dirty," he shot back. so asleep still. red wide eyes and bushy hair. perhaps you know the egg i mean. it's saturday night and the second weekend i've intentionally done nothing social. and it's so awesome. i'm preparing for the potential onlslaught of holiday socializing. j'espere j'espere j'espere all goes smoothly.