in september of 2006, while you're in montreal to see megadeth, you'll learn that guns n' roses'll be playing in your city. not only will axl still be alive, he'll actually show up to your city, bring dizzy reed and a bunch of other reasonably random cats and put on an amazingly kickass show. you won't even miss slash (much). you won't have to "walk on your eyes" (you will actually say you'd do this) to see g'n'r-- they will come to you-- so be patient. there's no need to scream at your parents when they won't let you go see them with metallica in montreal this summer. although it will be one of their most infamous shows, you wouldn't get to see much of it anyway, as axl walks off stage after a couple of songs and james hetfield gets burned by pyrotechnics (but he'll be okay). ok, it would actually have been cool to see this show, but you won't get to go.
in november of 2006, however, after nearly eight weeks of wondering if it would even be worth it to see g'n'r anymore, one of your best friends manages to score really cheap floor tickets, you haul out the tiny axl rose-esque mesh football shirt you've been looking for since you saw the paris use your illusion concert on video, but you only found last year, and rock your cock competely off about five hicks away from the band. axl will sing all the ballads (except don't cry which is played as an instrumental) and you'll scarcely remember which boy went with which song. you won't cry when you hear any of them, but you do remember many school dances where you kissed boys and/or cried about them during each of these songs.
near the end of the show, for one song, some characters from a very popular locally-produced tv show will appear on the stage and play a song called "liquor and whores" with the band. one of the characters will play in the band "sandbox legacy," that will also play at your grade nine prom which you will go to with a drummer named ian and you'll wear a terrible purple dress. you will look back at this and find it pretty funny. i promise that you'll glance back at everything and find it really funny. but you won't listen to me-- like south park's eric cartman wouldn't listen to his future self in the recent nintendo wii episode-- because you're a stubborn little slut. anyway, i bid you farewell, sweet child o' mine. you're probably up right now at 3:59 in the a.m. on a school night, reading a g'n'r-related issue of metal edge magazine or writing in your journal about a stupid boy who likes shitty music and is a complete tool. all is cool in the future, man, don't fret! in 2006, you won't be married to a boy you met in university, but you'll be glad about it. you will get to see guns n' fuckin' roses--or what you'd begrudgingly call a reasonable fascimile. and they will blow both your 1992 and 2006 selves clear outta the water.
chin up, bitch!
love and much rawk and metal,
2006 self
xoxo
p.s. here's the set list
Welcome to the Jungle
It's So Easy
Mr Brownstone
Live and Let Die
Knocking on Heavens door
Finck solo
Sweet Child o' Mine
Better
You Could be Mine
The Blues
That annoyingly long rendition of Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
Out To Get Me
November Rain
Rocket Queen
Liquor and Whores
My Michelle
Patience
Bumblefoot Oh Canada/Don't Cry
Nightrain
Madagascar
Paradise City
i just realized that i have thirteen different kinds of toothpastes. to be fair, one is a tooth powder. none of these contain disgusting chemicals, especially lousy flouride. these lovely plant-based toothpastes use herbs used for thousands of years for cleaning and whitening the teeth. there's one here for sensitive teeth that helps prevent receding gums. most have antibacterial properties. they're effin' cool-- and i don't even have a few of my faves right now. if you want, bring your toothbrush over and try one! i will list the ones pictured:
